Favorite Comedy Quotes
Rejection. That's what makes a college great. The exclusivity of any university is judged primarily by the amount of students it rejects.Dean Van Horne
Frank Pizzarro: What is this?
Jack Ryan: What's what?
Frank Pizzarro: Dude, this is $200. You said we made six.
Jack Ryan: Right, yeah, but $200 is your cut, cause that's the going rate for hiding in the truck.
Nathan Arizona Sr.: All right, boy, I guess you got a reward coming, $25,000. Or, if you need home furnishings, I can give you a line of credit at any of my stores. In fact, that's the way I'd rather handle it. Tax reasons.
Ed McDonnough: We don't want no reward. We didn't bring him back for money.
Nathan Arizona Sr.: We can work it that way, too!
Agent 99: Not bad for a rookie.
Maxwell Smart: Not bad for an old lady.
White Goodman: [about Average Joe's] Oh, really, you like it over there with those freaks in Losertown?
Kate Veatch: Freaks? They're not freaks, they're people just like you and me.
White Goodman: People, haha, people just like you and me! That is what I love about you Kate! You've got a *personality*!
When I'm high, I AM Odetta. Let's get naked and smoke.Beatnik Chick
I can be your best friend or your worst enemy. You seem to prefer the latter.Chip Douglas
Tony Robbins: Hal, don't you think you're being a bit shallow here in the way you look at women?
Hal: Well, no! You know, I'd like her to be into culture and shit, too.
Tony Robbins: Ok Hal, hypothetical situation; Which do you prefer, a girlfriend missing one breast or half a brain?
Hal: Hmmm, toughie. What about the remaining breast? Is it big?
King Jaffe Joffer: Semmi, you have disgraced yourself, and you must be punished. Confine yourself to our royal suite at the Waldorf-Astoria.
King Jaffe Joffer: And see that he puts on some decent attire.
[to the rose bearers]
King Jaffe Joffer: And I want you to bathe him thoroughly.
Semmi: Oh, thank you, Your Majesty.
Sometimes you gotta let your heart lead you... even if you know its someplace you know you're not supposed to be.Van Wilder
Dale: What are you doing?
Brennan: I'm burying you!
Dale: My dad will wonder where I am.
I couldn't believe that she knew my name. Some of my best friends didn't know my name.Ted