Favorite Comedy Quotes
Store Clerk: Hey, freeze bitch!
Mike Lowrey: [as he points the gun her way, in a flash Mike and Marcus stop arguing and point their guns at his head] YOU freeze, bitch!
Store Clerk: Oh shit, I'm fucked.
Mike Lowrey: Now back up, put the gun down, and get me a pack of Tropical Fruit Bubblicious.
Marcus Burnett: And some Skittles.
Ed: Hey, Shaun, look who it is!
Deputy Chief Hardy: Well I hoped never to see you again.
Schmidt: What's up, dawg?
Jenko: We back!
Deputy Chief Hardy: Ladies, nobody gave a s*** about the Jump Street reboot but you got lucky. So now this department has invested a lot of money to make sure Jump Street keeps going. The only problem is the Koreans bought the church back so we're moving you across the road to 22 Jump Street.
Umpire: You threw at him intentionally!
Rick Vaughn: Oh, kiss my ass!
Umpire: You're gone!
Rick Vaughn: You're full of shit! Fuck you!
Umpire: Get outta here, rookie!
Rick Vaughn: Oh, why don't you blow me ump?
[realizing how round his frame is] Whoa, I gotta lay off da nuts!Pip in Andalasia
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but I will kick you repeatedly in the balls!Brennan Huff
Gertie: Thank you, daddy.
Ollie: Anything for you, Gert. You know why?
Ollie: 'Cause you're the only thing I was ever really good at.
Feng: "Ping pong or how the Chinese say: ping pong
Eli: I'm very sorry, Margot.
Margot: It's okay. We're not actually related anyway.
If you ain't gonna shoot him Kung-Fu his ass or somethin'.James Carter
Thurgood Jenkins: Guys just shut up about the weed for two seconds, I don't want this girl to know I smoke.
Scarface: Yeah it's bad enough you a janitor yo.
Thurgood Jenkins: Custodian, dick!
For what we are about to see next, we must enter quietly into the realm of genius.Dr. Frederick Frankenstein