Favorite Comedy Quotes
Phil: You wanna throw up here, or you wanna throw up in the car?
Ralph: I think... both.
Jack: Jill this is Otto.
Otto: Nice to meet you.
Jill: (Yells) :Nice to meet you! He's homeless, right?
Jack: Are you whispering with a bull horn or something? Everybody hears you.
Mom and Dad are gonna kill me! And I'm gonna tell you this, it will not be done with mercy!Wilbur
Aloha. My name is Mr. Hand.Mr. Hand
Deborah Clasky: You were an alcoholic and wildly promiscuous woman during my formative years so that im in this fix because of you, it is your fault and I just needed that moment for us to build on.
Evelyn Wright: You have a solid point dear... but right now the lessons of my life are coming in handy for you.
I feel the same way as you feel about Botox. Painful and unnecessary.Samantha Jones
That's a great plan, Walter. That's fuckin' ingenious, if I understand it correctly. It's a Swiss fuckin' watch.The Dude
Freddie Shapp: We're starting a 24-hour news channel and we want you.
Ron Burgundy: I'm going to do the thing that god put Ron Burgundy on this earth to do, have salon-quality hair and read the news.
Zoot: Welcome, brave sir Knight. Welcome to the Castle Anthrax.
Sir Galahad: The Castle Anthrax?
Zoot: Yes... it's not a very good name, is it? Oh, but we are nice, and we'll attend to your every need.
Never give up. Never surrender.Jason Nesmith
Steve: Hey Mike, 'I got dibs on top' Ha ha.
Mike: Shut up!
Steve: Ha ha ha ha ha.
Mike: Why don't you shut up?
Steve: Heh heh, 'Hello Washington'. Ha ha ha.
Mike: SHUT UP!
Alpa Chino: That's the theme song for the Jeffersons!
Kirk Lazarus: Just because it's a theme song doesn't make it any less true.