Favorite Comedy Quotes
Man on train: Don't take that tone with me, young man. I fought the war for your sort.
Ringo: I bet you're sorry you won.
I did nothing. The pavement was his enemy.Julius Benedict
I have eyes too, so I'll be watching you... watching me.Greg Focker
They broke my watch!Trooper La Fong
Vladimir Wolodarsky: [talking about Jane] I like her hairdo.
PelÃ© dos Santos: Me too, but Steve called her first.
That's the last time, Bender. That the last time you ever make me look bad in front of those kids, you hear me? I make $31,000 a year and I have a home and I'm not about to throw it all away on some punk like you. But someday when you're outta here and you've forgotten all about this place and they've forgotten all about you, and you're wrapped up in your own pathetic life, I'm gonna be there. That's right. And I'm gonna kick the living shit out of you. I'm gonna knock your dick in the dirt.Richard Vernon
Wheeler: I don't have crabs! What have you been telling these kids?
Ronnie: That you have crabs.
What a lemon! One minute it's running like a top, and the next it's broken down on the side of the road. And I can't fix a car like this, because I don't have the tools! And even if I did have the tools I don't know if I could fix a car like this!Dignan
As Phoebe O'Hara comes in front of the kindergartners to tell them about "strangers" Kimble looks her in the eyes and says "Show no fear!"... a reversal of her prior warning to him.Detective John Kimble
Ray Embrey: People don't like you, Hancock.
Hancock: Do I look like I care what people think?
When she first mentioned what's about to happen, I said, "Over my dead body." And she said, "No, Daniel, over mine..."Daniel
Governor Tracy: I have heard the voice of the voters and the voters said...
[Mike is screaming for help while hanging from his underwear on a satellite dish]
Governor Tracy: ...Holy Shit?!