Favorite Comedy Quotes
We have a new record. Cue the cheesy inspirational music.
Bruce
Grace: You still have to go over there, the nurse is waiting.
Bruce: Oh, do I have to?
Grace: Oh, it's not going to hurt. In fact I think you might find it quite pleasurable.
Bruce: Who are you?
God: I'm the one. The Divine Being. Alpha and Omega.
Bruce: Oh, I see where this is going...
God: Bruce... I'm God.
Bruce: Bingo! Yahtzee! Is that your final answer? Our survey says... God! Bing bing bing bing bing! Well God, nice job on the Grand Canyon, and good luck with the Apocalypse. Oh, and by the way: you *SUCK*!
So God is picking on you?
Grace
Grace: It's weird. I woke up this morning and I swear my boobs felt bigger. Do they look bigger to you?
Bruce: Bigger?
Bruce: There were so many. I just gave them all what they want.
God: Yeah. But since when does anyone have a clue about what they want?
Allllllrighty then.
God
Grace: I've never seen the moon that big.
Bruce: We really shouldn't waste it.
I did the same thing to Gandhi, he didn't eat for three weeks.
God
Grace: Oh, God.
Bruce: You can call me Bruce.
I am Bruce Almighty. My will be done.
Bruce
Bruce: Lord, feed the hungry, and bring peace to all of mankind. How's that?
God: Great... If you wanna be Miss America.
