Favorite Comedy Quotes
Trent, the beautiful babies don't work the midnight to six shift on a Wednesday. This is like the skank shift.Mike
That was so fucking money. That was like the Jedi mind-shit.Mike
Sue: People get carjacked.
Trent: Who's gonna carjack your fuckin' K-Car? He's right, Sue, you don't need to carry a gatt!
How about if I wait six weeks to call. I could tell her I found her number while I was cleaning out my wallet, I can't remember where we met. I'll ask her what she looks like and then I'll ask her if we fucked. How about that? Would that be money?Mike
Rob: Those guys are right. You're money.
Mike: Then why won't she call?
Rob: She won't call because you left. She's got her own life to deal with and that's in New York. She's a sweet girl and I love her to pieces, but fuck her, man. You got to get on with your life. You've got to let go of the past Mikey, and when you do, the future is beautiful.
Rob: You don't look at the things you have. You only look at the stuff you don't have. Those guys are right about you, you're money.
Mike: Then why won't she call?
Rob: She won't call because you left.
She's got her own life to deal with man, and that's in New York. Alright, and she's a sweet girl and I love her to pieces, but fuck her man you gotta get on with your life. You gotta let go of the past, and Mikey when you do, I'm telling ya, the future is beautiful, alright. Look out the window. It's sunny everyday here. It's like manifest destiny, don't tell me we didn't make it, we made it. We are here, and everything that has passed is prologue to this. All of the shit that didn't kill us is only... you know, all that shit. You're gonna get over it.Rob
Mike: How did you get over it? I mean, how long did it take?
Rob: Sometimes it still hurts. You know how it is man, it's like you wake up everyday and it hurts a little bit less, and you wake up one day and it doesn't hurt at all. And the funny thing is that, this is kinda weird, but it's like, it's like, you almost miss that pain.
Mike: You miss the pain?
Rob: Yea, for the same reason you miss her. Because you lived with it for so long.
[playing NHL Hockey for Sega Genesis]
Trent: I wish they still had fights in this game so I could bitch-slap Wayne.
Mike: What? They don't have fighting anymore?
Trent: Doesn't that suck?
Mike: Why'd they get rid of the fighting? It was the best part of the old version.
Sue: I think kids were hittin' each other or somethin' man.
Trent: Yeah, but you know what, Mike? You can make their heads bleed in this one.
Mike: Make somebody's head bleed!
Sue: No man, we're in the playoffs.
Sue: Pause the game.
Trent: Wait, I'm gonna do my thing with the thing.
Trent: [to Mike] You know what you are? You're like a big bear with claws and with fangs...
Sue: ...big fucking teeth, man.
Trent: Yeah... big fuckin' teeth on ya'. And she's just like this little bunny, who's just kinda cowering in the corner.
Sue: And you got these fucking claws and these fangs...
Trent: And you got these fucking claws and these fangs, man! And you're looking at your claws and you're looking at your fangs. And you're thinking to yourself, you don't know what to do, man. "I don't know how to kill the bunny." With THIS, you don't know how to kill the bunny? Do you know what I mean?
Sue: You're like a big bear, man.
Mike: So you're not just, like, fucking with me?
Trent: No, I'm not fucking with you.
Sue: Honestly, man.