Favorite Comedy Quotes
I'm not even supposed to be here. I'm just "Crewman Number Six." I'm expendable. I'm the guy in the episode who dies to prove how serious the situation is. I've gotta get outta here.Guy Fleegman
Joan Baxter: You want to build a boat?
Evan Baxter: It might be something fun for the family. Go sailing on the lake. I don't know... it'd be great in case it floods or something.
Max: Do you know who I am?
Leo: You are Max Bialystock, King of BROADWAY!
Max: No, I am Max Bialystock - that's right!
Ted: I think I still want to look her up.
Pat Healy: Who, rollerpig? Are you nuts?
Ted: You said she was a real sparkplug.
Pat Healy: No, I said buttplug. She's heinous.
Jack Ryan: Have a little faith in people. Not God, cause he's just an imaginary friend for grown ups.
Frank Pizzarro: What the hell's that supposed to mean?
Jack Ryan: I don't know.
Charlotte A. Cavatica: [climbs down to Ike's face]
Ike: Please, don't hurt me.
Charlotte A. Cavatica: Well, since you said please. Hehe.
I'd like you to close your eyes now, and I'd like you to try something, all right? Now what are you thinkin', what are you feeling right now, with your eyes closed?Corky St. Clair
[pushing elevator buttons] It looks like a Christmas tree!Buddy
Carter: How would we even recognize Juntao, none of us never saw him.
Lee: I have, he killed my partner.
Ed Hocken: You haven't shot anybody in six months.
Frank Drebin: That's true. Funny how you miss the little things.
These guns are really weird.Roy O'Bannon
Carl Showalter: So, how long you been with the escort service?
Escort: I don't know, a few months.
Carl Showalter: Find that work interesting, do ya?
Escort: What're you talkin' about?