WHAT? You went over my helmet?

Dark Helmet

So the combination is one, two, three, four, five? That's the stupidest combination I've ever heard in my life! The kind of thing an idiot would have on his luggage!

Dark Helmet

Princess Vespa: I am Princess Vespa, daughter of Roland, King of the Druids.
Lone Starr: Oh great. That's all we needed. A Druish princess.
Barf: Funny, she doesn't look Druish.

Lone Starr: I still don't understand how I'm going to lift that big statue with this little ring.
Yogurt: Never underestimate the power of the Schwartz!

Colonel Sandurz: [in reference to not wanting to attack Yogurt's lair] But your ring! Don't you wear the schwartz too?
Dark Helmet: No, he got the upside. There are two sides to every schwartz. He got the upside, I got the downside.

Barf: I know we need the money, but...
Lone Starr: Listen! We're not just doing this for money... We're doing it for a SHIT LOAD of money!
Barf: Oh, you're right. And when you're right, you're right. And you - you're always right.

Dark Helmet: Raspberry. There's only one man who would dare give me the raspberry: Lone Star!

What's the matter, Colonel Sandurz? CHICKEN?

Dark Helmet

[aboard Mega-Maid] Thank you for pressing the self destruct button.

Self-Destruct Voice

Why didn't somebody tell me my ass was so big?

President Skroob

Dark Helmet: Before you die there is something you should know about us, Lone Star.
Lone Starr: What?
Dark Helmet: I am your father's brother's nephew's cousin's former roommate.
Lone Starr: What's that make us?
Dark Helmet: Absolutely nothing! Which is what you are about to become.

My hair, he shot my hair. Son of a bitch!

Princess Vespa

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