I say, why don't you guys locate your dicks, remove the shrink wrap, and fucking *use* them!

Steve Stifler

["One Toke Over the Line" is playing on the radio] One toke? You poor fool! Wait till you see those goddamn bats.

Raoul Duke

Lloyd: That's a lovely accent you have. New Jersey?
Lady at bus stop: Austria.
Lloyd: Austria! Well, then. G'day mate! Let's put another shrimp on the barbie!
Lady at bus stop: Let's not.

This is not a cheer-ocracy, I am the cheer-tator, I will make the cheer-isions around here, and I will deal with the cheer-onsequences.

Priscilla

Bob Banks: What is that smell?
Jack Byrnes: That smell, Bob, is our shit. Focker flushed the toilet in the den so the septic tank overflowed.
Greg Focker: I told you, Jack, it wasn't me, it was Jinx.
Jack Byrnes: FOCKER, I'm not gonna tell you again. Jinx cannot flush the toilet. He's a cat for Christ sakes!
Larry: The animal doesn't even have thumbs, Focker.

What the fuck, man? You shot me in my stomach! I'm gonna die now, probably. Man, I had y'all over for dinner! Fish tacos! This is how you do me?

Red

Brad Hamilton: Why don't you get a job Spicoli?
Jeff Spicoli: What for?
Brad Hamilton: You need money.
Jeff Spicoli: All I need are some tasty waves, a cool buzz, and I'm fine.

Vizzini: A word, my lady. We are but poor, lost circus performers. Is there a village nearby?
Buttercup: There is nothing nearby... Not for miles.
Vizzini: Then there will be no one to hear you scream.

Captain O'Hagan: Bulletproof cup, huh? I invented this gag, Rabbit. Only in my day, the rookie got naked.
[fires through the window, accidentally shooting out the glass]
Captain O'Hagan: And we also used blanks. You're a sick motherfucker, Mac.
Mac: Thanks, Chief!

Do you even know how to drive an automatic?

Dave the Bear

Foster: [explaining his low number of tickets issued] I can't make them speed!
Captain O'Hagan: Try hiding.

I am the master of the C.L.I.T. Remember this fucking face. Whenever you see C.L.I.T., you'll see this fucking face. I make that shit work. It does whatever the fuck I tell it to. No one rules the C.L.I.T like me. Not this little fuck.

Jay

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