Favorite Comedy Quotes
I don't want you to be the guy in the PG-13 movie everyone's REALLY hoping makes it happen. I want you to be like the guy in the rated R movie, you know, the guy you're not sure whether or not you like yet. You're not sure where he's coming from. Okay? You're a bad man. You're a bad man, Mikey. You're a bad man, a bad man.
Trent
Life is one fuckin' beauty contest after another.
Dwayne
Lee: Just try to blend in.
James Carter: What do you mean, "blend in"? I'm two feet taller than everybody in here!
Marlin: They've just got to grow up some... THE DROP OFF? THEY'RE GOING TO THE DROP OFF? WHAT ARE YOU, INSANE? WHY DON'T WE FRY THEM UP NOW AND SERVE THEM WITH CHIPS?
Bob: Hey Marty, calm down.
Marlin: Don't tell me to be calm, pony boy.
Bob: Pony boy?
Bill: You know for a clownfish, he really isn't that funny.
Ted: Pity.
Well, that's the last we should be hearing from Lucy man. She's probably stuffing herself down the incinerator about now. You know what we need? We need some opium.
Dr. Gonzo
These men have taken a supreme vow of celibacy, like their fathers, and their fathers before them...
Topper Harley
Joanna: So you're gonna quit?
Peter Gibbons: Nuh-uh. Not really. Uh... I'm just gonna stop going.
Those men and that muff-diver believe in you.
Patches O'Houlihan
From now on, your dick is my dick. I'm gonna get you laid.
Jay
Brad Hamilton: Hey, you guys had shirts on when you came in here.
Jeff Spicoli: Well, something must have happened to them.
I'm gettin' too fat for this s***.
Larry
Ooh, a Mini-Doris! I didn't know you could do that!
Bowler Hat Guy
