Favorite Comedy Quotes
Sue: Just because I had the balls to stand up to those guys...
Trent: Like fuckin' House of Pain was gonna do anything?
Sue: What? Come guys I couldn't back down, that guy called me a bitch we kept our "rep" bro.
Charles: Man, fuck "rep" I got a call back tomorrow!
Sue: [re: NHL Hockey game] This is bullshit, such bullshit!
Mike: The Kings suck in this game, you should play another team.
Sue: I took the Kings to the cup.
Trent: Yea, against the computer with the offsides off.
Sue: They are a finesse team.
Trent: L.A. is a fucking bitch team!
So let me get this straight. The party started at eight. Why are we going to a bar at ten?Rob
Everybody steals from everybody, that's Hollywood.Trent
Mike: I'm Mike.
Lorraine: Hi Mike, I'm Lorraine.
Mike: Like the quiche.
Lorraine: Like the quiche? That's a really original joke.
Mike: I like quiche.
Lorraine: I thought real men didn't like quiche?
Mike: Well, it seems my reputation had preceded me here.
Lorraine: You not a real man?
Mike: Not lately.
[Mike gets Nikki's machine at 2:30 in the morning]
Mike: Hi, uh, Nikki, this is Mike. I met you at the, um, at the Dresden tonight. I just called to say that I had a great time...and you should call me tomorrow, or in two days, whatever. Anyway, my number is 213-555-4679 -
Mike: [calls back] Hi, Nikki, this is Mike again. I just called 'cause it sounded like your machine might've cut me off when I, before I finished leaving my number. Anyway, uh, and, y'know, and also, sorry to call so late, but you were still at the Dresden when I left so I knew I'd get your machine. Anyhow, uh, my number's 21--
Mike: [calls back] 213-555-4679. That's it. I just wanna leave my number. I didn't want you to think I was weird or desperate, or... we should just hang out and see where it goes cuz it's nice and, y'know, no expectations. Ok? Thanks a lot. Bye bye.
Mike: [walks away, then walks back and calls again] I just got out of a 6-year relationship, Ok? That should help explain why I'm acting so weird. I just wanted you to know that. It's not you, it's me. I'm sorry... This is Mike.
Mike: [calls back] Hi, Nikki, this is Mike. Could you just call me when you get in? I'm gonna be up for awhile and I'd just rather speak to you in person instead of trying to fit it all into-
[the machine beeps]
Mike: Fuck! [calls back] Uh, Nikki? Mike. It's uh, uh, it's just, uh, this just isn't working out. I think you're great, but maybe we should just take some time off from each other. It's not you, it's me. It's what I'm going through, alright? It's uh... it's only been 6 months-
Nikki: [picks up] Mike?
Mike: Nikki? Great! Did you just walk in or were you listening all along?
Nikki: Don't ever call me again.
Mike: Wow. I guess you're home.
Trent: So, what'd you think of that Dorothy girl?
Mike: The whole Judy Garland thing kinda turned me on. Does that make me some kind of fag?
Trent: No, baby, you're money.
You're so money and you don't even know it!Trent
Oh! That's gonna leave a mark.Barf
Merchandising, merchandising, where the real money from the movie is made. Spaceballs-the T-shirt, Spaceballs-the Coloring Book, Spaceballs-the Lunch box, Spaceballs-the Breakfast Cereal, Spaceballs-the Flame Thrower.Yogurt
I bet she gives great helmet.Dark Helmet