Favorite Comedy Quotes
Trust your dear old mother boys. Throw 'er into four-wheel drive and hold on to your hats.Mama Fratelli
I love this man, and there is no way that I'm gonna give him up to some two-faced, big-haired food critic.Kimmy Wallace
Young Dr. Evil: Would it kill you to put on some clothes? Honestly it's like living with frickin Sasquatch.
Young Austin Powers: Hey, have you seen my Balzac?
Young Dr. Evil: I'm looking at your Balzac right now.
Jim McAllister: Paul, what is your favorite fruit?
Paul Metzler: Pears.
Jim McAllister: Okay, now...
Paul Metzler: No wait! Apples.
Jim McAllister: Great, now say that everyday you had an apple. An apple, an apple and more apples. You probably thought that apples were pretty good, even if you got a rotten one every once in awhile. Then one day there was an orange. Now you can choose, do you want an apple or do you want an orange? That's democracy.
Paul Metzler: I also like bananas.
Jim McAllister: Exactly!
Austin Powers: Nice to mole you... meet you. Nice to meet you, Mole.
[to Foxxy as Basil & The Mole leave]
Austin Powers: Don't say mole.
Foxxy Cleopatra: Now stop.
Austin Powers: I said mole.
Foxxy Cleopatra: Stop.
Jack Byrnes: Did you flush this toilet?
Greg Focker: Maybe... You know what, maybe Jinx flushed it. I saw little Jinxy in there last night and he took a squatted... relieved himself.
Jack Byrnes: Jinx knows not to use that toilet and even if he did, he'd never flush it.
Greg Focker: What does it matter?
Jack Byrnes: The matter, Greg RN, is that when this toilet is flushed, it runs, and when you have a septic tank that's nearly full and a toilet that's been running all night, then you could have a hell of a problem.
Jesus, bad waves of paranoia, madness, fear and loathing - intolerable vibrations in this place. Get out. The weasels were closing in. I could smell the ugly brutes. Flee.Raoul Duke
Gordon, when you tell this story to your grandkids, you be sure to leave this part out.Capt. James West
John Milner: (Expletive)! Hey, get down!
Carol: Hey, is this what they call "copping a feel"?
John Milner: What? No, get up, N-O. Sheezus.
Carol: What's your name?
John Milner: My name? Mud, if anybody sees you.
Donkey: [after becoming Puss-in-Boots] I've been abra-cadabra'd into a Fancy Feasting, second-rate sidekick!
Donkey: I feel all exposed and nasty!
Agent 99: You lied about finding evidence of radioactivity
Agent 23: You conveniently killed Krstic before anyone could question him.
The Chief: And there's that little matter with you stoning my head with a fire extinguisher.
Maxwell Smart: I said I was sorry, you just didn't hear me because you were in a mini coma.
Templeton: Look at her! Don't you think she's a little... uh... what's the word? EW!
Wilbur: I think she's beautiful.