Favorite Comedy Quotes
Ed: Do you want your messages?
Ed: Well, your mum rang about you going around tomorrow night, and then Liz rang about the two of you eating out tonight, and then your mum rang back to see if I wanted to eat her out tonight.
Wilbur: Templeton, Charlotte is very sick.
Templeton: Yeah, and twisted.
Karen: He likes to butt things... with his head.
Nathan: How proud you must be.
Did you hear about The Morgans?Man on Street
Miles Raymond: Let me show you how this is done. First thing, hold the glass up and examine the wine against the light. You're looking for color and clarity. Just, get a sense of it. OK? Uhh, thick? Thin? Watery? Syrupy? OK? Alright. Now, tip it. What you're doing here is checking for color density as it thins out towards the rim. Uhh, that's gonna tell you how old it is, among other things. It's usually more important with reds. OK? Now, stick your nose in it. Don't be shy, really get your nose in there. Mmm... a little citrus... maybe some strawberry...
Miles Raymond: ... passion fruit...
[puts hand up to ear]
Miles Raymond: ... and, oh, there's just like the faintest soupÃ§on of like asparagus and just a flutter of a, like a, nutty Edam cheese...
Jack: Wow. Strawberries, yeah! Strawberries. Not the cheese...
Allison Reynolds: You have problems.
Andrew Clark: Oh, I have problems?
Allison Reynolds: You do everything everyone tells you to do and that is a problem.
Andrew Clark: Okay, fine, but I didn't dump my purse out on the couch and invite everyone into my problems.
Since we have been together I have felt more uncomfortable, out of place, embarassed, and just physically sick then I have in my entire life. But I could not have gone through that, I could not have thrown up 19 times in 48 days if I was not in love with you.Reuben Feffer
Cabbie: Let's get this thing movin'! What the hell is your problem?
Dr. Buddy Rydell: Shut your pie hole, we're working here!
Laura: I'm too tired not to be with you.
Rob: What, so if you had a bit more energy we'd stay split up, but things being as they are, with you being wiped out and all, you want to get back together? Is that it?
Joel Goodson: Uh, my name isn't really Ralph. It's Joel.
Lana: Mmm. I'll be needing 300 dollars. Joel.
Joel Goodson: You're kidding.
Lana: No, I don't believe that I am.
Grandma Gallagher: Mary Katherine, what are you doing?
Mary Katherine Gallagher: I'm using my telekineses to kill the girl who poured pig's blood on me at the prom.
Grace: I've got a very rare blood type. I'm AB positive.
Bruce: Well I'm IB positive. I be positive they ain't touching me with no needle.