Favorite Comedy Quotes
Wilbur: Templeton, Charlotte is very sick.
Templeton: Yeah, and twisted.
Bruce: Where are you going?
God: I'm taking a vacation.
Bruce: God doesn't take vacations. Does he?... Do... ye?
God: Did you ever hear of the dark ages? Besides, I'm covered. You can clear everything up in five minutes, if you want to. Right?
Mike Lowrey: What the hell are you doin'?
Marcus Burnett: Keepin' my shit quick.
Mike Lowrey: Oh, I see. You aren't gettin any at home, so you got a lot of extra energy. Go ahead, burn it off.
My top schools where I want to apply to are Oxford and the Sorbonne. My safety's Harvard.Max Fischer
Stephanie Plum: You guys got anything full-time, part-time?
Connie: How comfortable are you with the lowlifes?
Stephanie Plum: I sold lingerie for three years in Newark.
Connie: You're good to go.
Had my dream again where I'm making love, and the Olympic judges are watching. I'd nailed the compulsories, so this is it, the finals. I got a 9.8 from the Canadians, a perfect 10 from the Americans, and my mother, disguised as an East German judge, gave me a 5.6. Must have been the dismount.Harry Burns
[Ronny is on the trees trying to take pictures of Geneva]
[Phone rings with Nick calling]
Nick: Hi Ronny, where are you.
Ronny: I am doing all kinds of different kinds of different things.
Randal Graves: All right, look, there's only one "Return," okay, and it ain't "of the King," it's "of the Jedi."
Hobbit Lover: Oh, Star Wars geek.
Randal Graves: Oh, I'm the geek? Look at you two whipping out your preciouses.
Elias: You'll have to excuse him, he's not "down" with the trilogy.
Randal Graves: Oh, what the fuck happened to this world? There's only one trilogy, you fucking morons.
I think you're shagedelic baby! You're switched on! You're smashing! You're shagadelic, baby!Austin Powers
Relationships are for people who are waiting for something better to come along.Sara
Kevin: If Sherman has sex before I do, I'm gonna be really pissed.
Jim: Sherman? The Sherminator?
Bo Peep: [amorously] You're cute when you care.
Woody: [embarrassed] Bo. Not in front of Buzz.