Favorite Comedy Quotes
I hope you guys have hobo stab insurance.Sherman
If I were your wedding, I'd be sleeping with one eye open...Liv
Eli: I'm very sorry, Margot.
Margot: It's okay. We're not actually related anyway.
Freakshow: Go on inside, boys, and make yourselves at home. You can rest up, get something to drink, fuck my wife, whatever you want. Just don't do anything the good lord would'nt do.
Kumar: [walking away with Harold] Dude am I going deaf or did he just say we could fuck his wife?
Tom: We both know I deserve to get super laid for this.
Violet: Do you want me to wear a cape or something?
Tom: I want the show.
Violet: You get the Cirque du Soleil of shows...
Cher: Are you talking about drugs?
Cher: Tai, how old are you?
Tai: I'll be 16 in May.
Cher: My birthday is in April and as someone older, can I please give you some advice? It is one thing to spark up a doobie and get laced at parties, but it is quite another to be fried all day.
Bruce: Where are you going?
God: I'm taking a vacation.
Bruce: God doesn't take vacations. Does he?... Do... ye?
God: Did you ever hear of the dark ages? Besides, I'm covered. You can clear everything up in five minutes, if you want to. Right?
And when I say the boy has his own money, I mean THE BOY HAS HIS OWN MONEY.Cleo
Tomorrow, I'll be kissing her aerobicized ass, but tonight, let me dream of a world without Heather, a world where I am free.Veronica Sawyer
Had my dream again where I'm making love, and the Olympic judges are watching. I'd nailed the compulsories, so this is it, the finals. I got a 9.8 from the Canadians, a perfect 10 from the Americans, and my mother, disguised as an East German judge, gave me a 5.6. Must have been the dismount.Harry Burns
[Ronny is on the trees trying to take pictures of Geneva]
[Phone rings with Nick calling]
Nick: Hi Ronny, where are you.
Ronny: I am doing all kinds of different kinds of different things.
I think you're shagedelic baby! You're switched on! You're smashing! You're shagadelic, baby!Austin Powers