Favorite Comedy Quotes
I'm Irish! This is milk to me baby! Milk!Father Brian Finn
They confiscated everything, even the stuff we didn't steal!Hoover
Boy, I didn't know deers could... could do that, you know?Corky St. Clair
Mulligan: All right, Charlie; that the joint?
Toothpick Charlie: Yes, sir.
Mulligan: Who runs it?
Toothpick Charlie: I already told you.
Mulligan: Refresh my memory.
Toothpick Charlie: Spats Columbo.
Mulligan: That's very refreshing; what's the password?
Toothpick Charlie: "I've come to Grandma's funeral." Here's your admission card.
[he gives Mulligan a mourning armband]
Mulligan: Thanks, Charlie.
Toothpick Charlie: Now if you want a ringside table, just tell 'em that you're one of the pallbearers.
Mulligan: OK, Charlie.
Venetia: Oh no, she didn't?
Sissy: Oh yes she did!
Venetia: [commenting on Ling-Ling's hot outfit] Girlfriend's booty be all wrapped up in licious!
Sissy: All wrapped up.
Ling Ling: You're pretty dope and phat yourselves
[to Steve] I don't care if you leave this second!Laurie Henderson
Was it morally wrong to exploit our knowledge of the future for personal financial gain? That hot tub time machine turned us into kings!Lou
Peter's another name for weaner.Steve Barker
Buddy: The best way to spread Christmas Cheer, is singing loud for all to hear.
Jovie: Thanks, but I don't sing.
Buddy: Oh, well, it's just like talking, except longer and louder, and you move your voice up and down.
Jovie: I *can* sing, I just choose *not* to sing. Especially in front of other people.
Buddy: If you can sing alone, you sing in front of other people. There's no difference.
Jovie: Actually, there's a BIG difference.
Buddy: No there's not.
I know I don't have his looks. I know I don't have his money. I know I don't have his connections, his knowledge of fine wines. I know sometimes when I eat I get this clicking sound in my jaw...Wayne Campbell
Any second now he's gonna look at me and say, "You're so not worth this."Toula Portokalos
It's the times. They are a-changin'. Something's blowing in the wind. Fetch me my diet pills, would you?Edna Turnblad