Favorite Comedy Quotes
Mona Lisa Vito: So what's your problem?
Vinny Gambini: My problem is, I wanted to win my first case without any help from anybody.
Mona Lisa Vito: Well, I guess that plan's moot.
Vinny Gambini: Yeah.
Mona Lisa Vito: You know, this could be a sign of things to come. You win all your cases, but with somebody else's help, right? you win case after case, and then afterwards you have to go up to somebody and you have to say, "thank you."
Mona Lisa Vito: Oh my God, what a fucking nightmare!
Lone Starr: Barf! Barf! BARF!
Barf: Always when I'm eating!
[on the phone] Yeah, you gave me the wrong suitcase. Uh-huh. Yes, it's a black Samsonite. Uh-huh. Ok, well don't you think that the Samsonite people, in some crazy scheme in order to make a profit, MADE MORE THAN ONE BLACK SUITCASE?Greg Focker
Do you know what a metaphysical can of worms this portal is?Craig Schwartz
Jeff Bebe: I can't say anymore with the writer here.
Russell Hammond: No, no, no. You can trust him, you can say whatever you want.
Jeff Bebe: I work just as hard or harder than anybody on that stage. You know what I do? I connect. I get people off. I look for the one guy who isn't getting off, and I make him get off. THAT you can print!
I like the smell of my hair treatment; the pleasing odor is half the point.Ulysses Everett McGill
Jim's Dad: It's like playing a tennis ball against a brick wall, which can be fun. It can be fun, but it's not a game.
Jim's Dad: It's not a game.
Jim's Dad: What you want is a partner to return the ball.
[narrating] When I think back on my relationship with Mr. Novotny, what I miss most... is our talks.Tracy Flick
These, Tom, are the Causeheads. They find a world threatening issue and stick with it for about a week.Droz
This makes golf look like porn.Tom Dobbs
Maria Portokalos: We must let Kosta think this was his idea.
Aunt Voula: All right, I know.
Maria Portokalos: That he came up with it.
Aunt Voula: All right.
Toula Portokalos: Ma, he's gonna figure it out.
Maria Portokalos: Don't you worry.
Aunt Voula: Okay, I know what to do you.
Maria Portokalos: You don't know what to do. You talk, talk, talk, all the time!
Aunt Voula: Do you want my help?
Maria Portokalos: Yes, I want your help!
Aunt Voula: Tell me what to say. But don't tell me what to say.
Maria Portokalos: Perfect!
I let the wedding get bigger than Big!Carrie Bradshaw