Favorite Comedy Quotes
Rob: You don't look at the things you have. You only look at the stuff you don't have. Those guys are right about you, you're money.
Mike: Then why won't she call?
Rob: She won't call because you left.
She's got her own life to deal with man, and that's in New York. Alright, and she's a sweet girl and I love her to pieces, but fuck her man you gotta get on with your life. You gotta let go of the past, and Mikey when you do, I'm telling ya, the future is beautiful, alright. Look out the window. It's sunny everyday here. It's like manifest destiny, don't tell me we didn't make it, we made it. We are here, and everything that has passed is prologue to this. All of the shit that didn't kill us is only... you know, all that shit. You're gonna get over it.Rob
Mike: How did you get over it? I mean, how long did it take?
Rob: Sometimes it still hurts. You know how it is man, it's like you wake up everyday and it hurts a little bit less, and you wake up one day and it doesn't hurt at all. And the funny thing is that, this is kinda weird, but it's like, it's like, you almost miss that pain.
Mike: You miss the pain?
Rob: Yea, for the same reason you miss her. Because you lived with it for so long.
[playing NHL Hockey for Sega Genesis]
Trent: I wish they still had fights in this game so I could bitch-slap Wayne.
Mike: What? They don't have fighting anymore?
Trent: Doesn't that suck?
Mike: Why'd they get rid of the fighting? It was the best part of the old version.
Sue: I think kids were hittin' each other or somethin' man.
Trent: Yeah, but you know what, Mike? You can make their heads bleed in this one.
Mike: Make somebody's head bleed!
Sue: No man, we're in the playoffs.
Sue: Pause the game.
Trent: Wait, I'm gonna do my thing with the thing.
Trent: [to Mike] You know what you are? You're like a big bear with claws and with fangs...
Sue: ...big fucking teeth, man.
Trent: Yeah... big fuckin' teeth on ya'. And she's just like this little bunny, who's just kinda cowering in the corner.
Sue: And you got these fucking claws and these fangs...
Trent: And you got these fucking claws and these fangs, man! And you're looking at your claws and you're looking at your fangs. And you're thinking to yourself, you don't know what to do, man. "I don't know how to kill the bunny." With THIS, you don't know how to kill the bunny? Do you know what I mean?
Sue: You're like a big bear, man.
Mike: So you're not just, like, fucking with me?
Trent: No, I'm not fucking with you.
Sue: Honestly, man.
Mike: What the fuck are you carrying a gun for? What, in case somebody steps to you, Snoop Dogg?
Sue: Hey man, you're not from here, alright. You don't know how it is. I grew up in L.A.
Sue: Whatever, man. It's different out here. It's not like New York, Mikey.
Um... a malt Glen Garry for me and my friend here. And if you tell that bartender to go extra easy on the water, this 50 cent piece has your name on it.Trent
All I do is stare at their mouths and wrinkle my nose, and I turn out to be a sweetheart.Trent
They went with someone who had more theme-park experience.Rob
Mike: Hi, how are you ladies doing this evening?
Girl at the Party: What do you drive?