Shit! I hate it when I get my Schwartz twisted.

Dark Helmet

Come back, you fat, bearded bitch!

Dark Helmet

Abandon ship! Abandon ship! Women and mogs first!

Barf

Princess Vespa: So, where are you from?
Lone Starr: Who knows?
Princess Vespa: You don't know where you're from?
Lone Starr: Not really. I was left on the doorstep of a monastery.
Princess Vespa: A monastery? Where?
Lone Starr: Somewhere in the Ford Galaxy.

Denise: Besides, I heard that song was about his dog.
Preston: It's not about a dog. It's about a woman named Amanda. Who the hell names their dog Amanda?
Denise: My cousin had a dog name Samantha.
Preston: Shut up about the dog, okay?

There's a mirror right there. Take a look, you're white.

Denise

I'll kick everyone's ass in this room!

Mike Dexter

Looks like someone's auditioning for "Soul Train."

Denise

Denise: Just so you know, judging from my little experience, I kind of believe in fate. It just works in really fucked up ways sometimes.
Preston: Especially in your case. I'm sorry. You gave that to me, I just had to take it. Take care. Peace out, G!

Crying Drunk Girl: Thush bezt tea weveram sisu gizem chext ear!
[subtitled translation: This is the best party ever! I'm so gonna miss you guys next year!]
[she trows her arms around them and stumbles off]
Preston: There's one at every party.
Denise: Kind of makes you never want to drink, huh?

Kenny Fisher: Do you, uh... what a drink?
Stoned Girl: Okay.
Kenny Fisher: Uh... how 'bout I poison it?
Stoned Girl: Okay.

Thank God you found her! She just took three thingies of herbal ecstasy and wondered off! She's so out of it, anything could have happened and she probably wouldn't even know it! God, I was so worried somebody was... well you know, taking advantage of her or something. Here, help me get her on her feet.

Stoned Girl's Friend

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