Favorite Comedy Quotes
I love watching your ass when you walk. Is that beautiful or what? Don't go near him, he's mine.Otto
Sue: What? Come guys I couldn't back down, that guy called me a bitch we kept our "rep" bro.
Charles: Man, fuck "rep" I got a call back tomorrow!
Metatron: I am to charge you with a holy crusade.
Bethany: For the record, I work in an abortion clinic.
Metatron: Noah was a drunk. Look what he accomplished. And no one's even asking you to build an ark. All you have to do is go to New Jersey, and visit a small church on a very important day.
Bethany: New Jersey? That doesn't sound like much of a crusade.
Metatron: Aside from the fine print, that's it.
Bethany: What's the fine print?
Metatron: [mumbling] Stopacoupleofangelsfromenteringandthusnegatingallexistence.
Bethany: Wait, wait, wait. Repeat that.
Metatron: Stop a couple of angels from entering and thus negating all existence. I hate when people need it spelled out for them.
Drillbit Taylor: So what'd you do to provoke him?
Wade: Well he's fat, he's a dork, and I'm awesome.
If I wasn't from Jamaica, then why would I be wearing this hat?Thurgood Jenkins
Pastor Arthur Mitchell: [to the congregation] You have to ask yourself: Would a man rob God?
I'm not gonna lose my son!Durell
[To Shrek and Fiona] Good Morning, good morning... to you, and you and youuuuu.Donkey
This is Ohio. If you don't have a brewski in your hand you might as well be wearing a dress.J.D.
Steven Kovacs: What's going on?
Chip Douglas: It appears that we're going to do battle, Steven.
Steven Kovacs: Is this a normal part of the show?
Chip Douglas: No, but I gave all the knights free cable. They thought it would be cool if we went at it for a while.
Steven Kovacs: Is it safe?
Chip Douglas: Sure, that's what the armor's for. Come on.
[swings from a rope and drops into the water]
Lee Carter: Yeah! Keep swimming to the other side!
Will: [floundering in the water] I can't swim.
Lee Carter: ...What d'you mean you can't swim?
Lee Carter: [watches Will sink beneath the water] ... Oh shit!