Jerry: I love you!
Audrey: Thank you
Jerry: Well, that's wasn't exactly the answer I was hoping for...
Audrey: Thank you very much?

If I'm not back in five minutes... just wait longer.

Ace Ventura

I'm a guy. Since when do we get anything right the first time?

Hitch

Kip: It's a time machine, Napoleon. We bought it online.
Napoleon Dynamite: Yeah, right.
Kip: It works, Napoleon. You don't even know.

[while urinating neon green liquid] Jeez, it's like Shrek's piss.

Danny

Ray: Purgatory's kind of like the in-between one. You weren't really shit, but you weren't all that great either. Like Tottenham. Do you believe in all that stuff, Ken?
Ken: Tottenham?
Ray: The last judgement, and the afterlife, guilt, sins, hell, and all that?
Ken: Um...no.

This is the West, not the East. The sun may rise where we come from... but here is where it sets.

Chon Wang

Virginia: What's this about you breaking a rake and throwing it in the woods?
Happy Gilmore: I didn't *break* it, I was merely testing its durability, and I *placed* it in the woods cause it's made of wood and I thought he should be with his family.

Russell Ziskey: You could join a monastery.
John Winger: Did you ever see a monk get wildly fucked by some teenage girls?
Russell Ziskey: Never.
John Winger: So much for the monastery.

[after ripping the guy's ponytail off] You think you're so cool 'cause you can pee with your penis. Get a new conditioner, your ends are totally SPLIT!

Jessica (in Clive's body)

Tony D'Annunzio: Another Rob Roy, Bishop?
Bishop: You never ask a navy man if he'll have another drink, because it's nobody's goddamned business how much he's had already.
Judge Smails: Wrong, you're drinking too much your Excellency.
Bishop: Excellency, fiddlesticks, my name's Fred and I'm a man, same as you.
Judge Smails: You're not a man, you're a bishop, for God's sakes.
Bishop: There is no God...

Brad Hamilton: Arnold, do you want to work at All-American Burger?
Arnold: Yeah, well, um...
Brad Hamilton: I can probably get you in there. Just let me talk to Dennis Taylor.

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