Favorite Comedy Quotes
The Coach: Can he still play?
Trainer: He's in a coma!
The Coach: Answer the question!
Grandma: What happened to that nice girlfriend of yours?
Happy Gilmore: Oh, She got hit by a car, she's dead.
The last time I wore skates, they had Barbies on them.Bliss Cavendar
George Downes: Why don't we stop and have a drink? You can take a later flight.
Julianne Potter: No, no, no, no. I'm a busy girl. I've got exactly four days to break up a wedding, steal the bride's fella and I haven't one clue how to do it.
Amber Von Tussle: Aren't you a little fat for the show?
Tracy Turnblad: I'm sure many of the other home viewers out there are pleasantly plump or chunky.
Amber Von Tussle: Come on. The show's not filmed in Cinemascope.
But this isn't a foxhole. It's a Porsche.Alex Foreman
Peyton, I still haven't answered your question. After this game, win or lose, you're still the best thing that ever happened to me.Joe Kingman
My grammy never gave gifts. She was too busy getting raped by Cossacks.Alvy Singer
The truth will set you free but before it does; It's gonna piss you off!Professor Turner
Fred: Don't eat that (E.B.'s jelly bean poop)
Fred: You might not like the flavor.
Sam: Fred, relax.
Sam: [crunch] Watermelon.
Dewey Finn: Look the first thing you do when you start a band is talk about your influences. That's how you figure out what kind of band you want to be. So who do you like? Blondie?
Marta: Christina Aguilera
Dewey Finn: Who? No. Come on. What? You, Shortstop.
Leonard: Puff Daddy
Dewey Finn: Wrong. Billy?
Billy: Liza Minnelli?
Ken: I'm sorry about the message last night. The man who left it is a bit of a...well, he's a bit of a...
Ken: Yes, a bit of a cock.