Favorite Comedy Quotes
I'm betting he's going to swerve first.Phil
Phil: I am not making it up. I am asking you for help.
Rita: Okay, what do you want me to do?
Phil: I don't know. You're a producer. Come up with something.
Phil: There is a major network interested in me.
Larry: That would be the Home Shopping Network.
Rita: Are you drunk or something?
Phil: Drunk is more fun.
Rita: What about me, Phil? Do you know me too?
Phil: I know all about you. You like producing, but you hope for more than Channel 9 Pittsburgh.
Rita: Well, everyone knows that!
Phil: You like boats, but not the ocean. You go to a lake in the summer with your family up in the mountains. There's a long wooden dock and a boathouse with boards missing from the roof, and a place you used to crawl underneath to be alone. You're a sucker for French poetry and rhinestones. You're very generous. You're kind to strangers and children, and when you stand in the snow you look like an angel.
Rita: How are you doing this?
Phil: I told you. I wake up every day, right here, right in Punxsutawney, and it's always February 2nd, and there's nothing I can do about it.
If you gotta shoot, aim high. I don't wanna hit the groundhog.Buster Green
You're not a god. You can take my word for it; this is 12 years of Catholic school talking.Rita
Phil: Wow! Looking foxy tonight man! Tell me, is your troop gonna be selling cookies this year?
Larry: [Sarcastically] Oh that's so funny Phil!
Morons... your bus is leaving.Phil
Rita: Where were you?
Phil: [referring to Ned] It was awful. A giant leech got me.
Do you have life insurance, Phil? Because if you do, you could always use a little more, I mean, who couldn't? But let me tell something - I got's a feeling you ain't got any. Am I right or am I right or am I right?Ned
Ned: So what are you doing for dinner?
Phil: Umm... something else.