Favorite Comedy Quotes
She has her doctorate in speech impedimentology from Case Western.Dr. Lester
Watching Boy: [stares at Willie] I saw you at another mall.
Willie: Well, I'm happy for you.
Watching Boy: If you really are Santa, you could do magic.
Willie: [whispers] Wanna see some magic? OK, let's watch you disappear!
Vincent Benedict: Money talks and bullshit walks!
Julius Benedict: How can bullshit walk?
Clark: Real tomato ketchup, Eddie?
Cousin Eddie: Oh, nothing but the best.
Julius Benedict: Actually, I hate violence. Vincent Benedict: But you're so good at it!
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go on an overnight drunk, and in 10 days I'm going to set out to find the shark that ate my friend and destroy it. Anyone who wants to tag along is more than welcome.Steve Zissou
Richie: I wrote a suicide note.
Chas: You did?
Richie: Yeah, right after I regained consciousness.
You tried to milk him, didn't you you sick son of a bitch?Jack Byrnes
That... was *epic.*Kim Pine
Mike Damone: This is going to be great, Rat. It's like the highlight of their day.
Mark Ratner: Hey maybe we'd better call first. I dunno about dropping in like...
Mike Damone: What are you kidding? We're gunna surprise them. Look, just fix your collar, alright? Relax, just be cool, attitude, remember? Where'd you get that, outta the hamper?
Mark Ratner: Hey, come on, this is clean.
Mike Damone: Look Rat, it's like riding a bike. Fall off; you're right back on. Mess up a date, do it again.
Valerie: Humper-dinck! Humperdinck! Humperdinck! Humperdinck!
Miracle Max: Get back, witch.
Valerie: I'm not a witch, I'm your wife. But after what you just said, I'm not even sure I want to be that any more.
Harry Dunne: You're hot for my daughter!
Lloyd Christmas: What?
Harry Dunne: Am I right?
Lloyd Christmas: That's insane!