Favorite Comedy Quotes
Now then we need to go over some ground rules. You are to refrain from any any acts of violence including verbal assault and vulgar hand gestures. You may not use rage enhancing substances, such as caffeine, nicotine, alcohol, crack cocaine, slippy-flippy's, jelly stingers, trick sticks, bing bangs or flying willards.Dr. Buddy Rydell
Dr. Buddy Rydell: Also, if you are unable to stop masturbating please, do so without the use of any pornographic images depicting quote, unquote 'angry sex.' That having been said, I'm a pretty good guy, and I think you'll be pleasantly surprised how much fun we can have together.
Dave Buznik: Geez, without slippy-flippy's or angry masturbating I don't see how that's possible.
Dr. Buddy Rydell: Sarcasm is anger's ugly cousin... from now on, unacceptable.
[singing] I feel pretty ... oh, so pretty ... oh, so pretty and witty and... gay.Dave Buznik
You can do it!Rudy Giuliani
Lou: I have a question: Why is it that Chuck here thinks he could smoke?
Chuck: Cause I do whatever I want whenever I want, you little Spanish fruit topping.
Lou: Honey, at least I didn't make my aunt pregnant.
Five hour drive to find out mommy had a jelly bean removed from her nose... Glad I missed work. Can we eat now?Dave Buznik
Look everybody, Pana Banana's got a heinie! He's got a heinie!Dave Buznik
Dr. Buddy Rydell: Alright, I'm going to need for you to retard your anger level a few notches and listen to me, can you do that?
Dave Buznik: Oh yeah, yeah, yeah... it's retarded, I'm retarded.
You kicked some serious monk-ass there, baby!Dr. Buddy Rydell
I told you not to go there! I told you not to go there!Lou
Eskimos seem nice.Lou
I'm not a homophobe, I'm a pulling out-my-penis in-front-of you-ophobe.Dave Buznik