Favorite Comedy Quotes
If you gotta shoot, aim high. I don't wanna hit the groundhog.Buster Green
You're not a god. You can take my word for it; this is 12 years of Catholic school talking.Rita
Phil: Wow! Looking foxy tonight man! Tell me, is your troop gonna be selling cookies this year?
Larry: [Sarcastically] Oh that's so funny Phil!
Morons... your bus is leaving.Phil
Rita: Where were you?
Phil: [referring to Ned] It was awful. A giant leech got me.
Do you have life insurance, Phil? Because if you do, you could always use a little more, I mean, who couldn't? But let me tell something - I got's a feeling you ain't got any. Am I right or am I right or am I right?Ned
Ned: So what are you doing for dinner?
Phil: Umm... something else.
Phil: I don't suppose there's any chance of a espresso or cappuccino?
Mrs. Lancaster: [confused look] Oh, I don't know...
Phil: ... how to spell espresso or cappuccino.
Rita: I like to see a man of advancing years throwing caution to the wind. It's inspiring in a way.
Phil: My years are not advancing as fast as you might think.
Phil: You want a prediction about the weather, you're asking the wrong Phil. I'll give you a winter prediction: It's gonna be cold, it's gonna be grey, and it's gonna last you for the rest of your life.
Phil: Do you know what today is?
Rita: No, what?
Phil: Today is tomorrow. It happened.
Rita: Would you like to come to dinner with Larry and me?
Phil: No thank you. I've seen Larry eat.