Favorite Comedy Quotes
Steve Bolander: Where are you going? It's awfully early in the morning.
Curt Henderson: [pause] I have a dentist appointment.
Fred: Don't eat that (E.B.'s jelly bean poop)
Fred: You might not like the flavor.
Sam: Fred, relax.
Sam: [crunch] Watermelon.
Bill, listen. Take your time, pick the right words, get back to New York, give me a call.Vinny Gambini
My time to shine.Pitka
D+?... Oh, my God... I passed! I passed! Oh, man! I got a D+! I'm gonna graduate! [hugs a stranger] I wish we'd known each other... this is a little awkward.Tommy
Wilbur: Since you said Salu-what, does this mean your my friend?
Charlotte A. Cavatica: Well, let me think... Hmmm... Well... Yes.
Fezzik: We face each other as God intended. Sportsmanlike. No tricks, no weapons, skill against skill alone.
Man in Black: You mean, you'll put down your rock and I'll put down my sword, and we'll try and kill each other like civilized people?
Fezzik: [holds rock] I could kill you now.
Man in Black: Okay... but, I think the odds are slightly in your favor at hand fighting.
Fezzik: It's not my fault being the biggest and the strongest. I don't even exercise.
Ron Burgundy: Linda Jackson, how are you my friend?
[Shakes hand of Linda's male assistant]
GNN Anchor: This is Linda.
Ron Burgundy: Oh, black… Black
Brian Fantana: Ron!
Ron Burgundy: Black!
The Coach: Can he still play?
Trainer: He's in a coma!
The Coach: Answer the question!
Grandma: What happened to that nice girlfriend of yours?
Happy Gilmore: Oh, She got hit by a car, she's dead.
Doyle: I think you gentlemen should accompany me back to the Yard.
[Cut to Roy and Chon in a cell at Scotland Yard]
Roy: This isn't a yard! It's a JAIL!
Reuben Feffer: No Lisa, I'm not going to take you back
Lisa Kramer: [stunned] What, why?
Reuben Feffer: Well, you screwed a SCUBA instructor on our honeymoon. What kinda cold-hearted bitch will do that to someone they love. I have to be an idiot to take you back.