Favorite Comedy Quotes
Let's dance, douche bag!Norah
Ellen Griswold: Stay in the car! It's hot and dangerous out here.
Aunt Edna: Don't you tell me what to do, I'll do what I want! I should never have come on this trip with you, I should have taken an airplane... and he...
Aunt Edna: He shouldn't even have a license to drive an automobile! He should be BEHIND BARS!
Ellen Griswold: SIT down and SHUT UP! Move outta that seat and I'll split your lip!
Jay: Silent Bob stole the schematics from some foolish carpenter and found a weakness just like the fucking Death Star. You knock this crossbeam out and, fuckin' bickety-bam, the whole stage comes crashing down.
Brodie: Well we were thinking of something simple, but hey, if you want to destroy the stage, we're all for that.
[looking down the canyon] It's just a straight plummet to certain death.Horton
I've seen the way women look at you, even though they know you're a priest - especially when they know actually.Anna Riley
Russell Ziskey: John, do you think I'm officer material?
John Winger: God, I'm worried about you.
Russell Ziskey: Come on! I'm in good shape, I'm walking tall, I'm looking good. First weekend in Europe.
John Winger: Yeah. We're spending it in an airplane hangar... guarding a truck!
Russell Ziskey: We've got each other.
Since when do you go bowling?Brad Hamilton
Gaear Grimsrud: Shut the fuck up! Or I'll throw you back in the trunk, you know?
Carl Showalter: Jesus, that's more than I've heard you say all week.
Freddy: Are we going to be goofing off like this everyday?
Dewey Finn: We're not goofing off. We're creating musical fusion.
Freddy: Ok, so are we going to be creating musical fusion everyday?
Dewey Finn: Yes.
Jeff Portnoy: So, what's the plan, man? You gonna talk Vietnamese to those dudes?
Kirk Lazarus: No, no. Mandarin Chinese. What I can tell, it's what they're speaking down there.
Jeff Portnoy: How the hell do you know Chinese?
Kirk Lazarus: Land of Silk and Money with Gong Li. Second Globe, third Oscar. I prepped for that one by working in a Beijing textile factory for eight months.
Rosemary Cross: Has it ever crossed your mind that you're far too young for me?
Max Fischer: It crossed my mind that you might consider that a possibility, yeah.
I don't have an iPod. I don't have a phone. They don't let me make calls. I'm going to call Nikki.Pat