Favorite Comedy Quotes
Dr. Buddy Rydell: Uh, Nate?
Nate: Yes, Mr. Rydell?
Dr. Buddy Rydell: I thought we agreed not to listen to games while in sessions.
Nate: Oh, it's perfectely fine Mr. Rydell. I got it under control. See? Iverson just missed the shot, the Sixers lose. Who cares ... THE ANGER SHARKS ARE SWIMMING MY HEAD. YOU GOTTA DUNK THAT SHIT! YOU GOTTA DUNK THAT SHIT!
Now then we need to go over some ground rules. You are to refrain from any any acts of violence including verbal assault and vulgar hand gestures. You may not use rage enhancing substances, such as caffeine, nicotine, alcohol, crack cocaine, slippy-flippy's, jelly stingers, trick sticks, bing bangs or flying willards.Dr. Buddy Rydell
Dr. Buddy Rydell: Also, if you are unable to stop masturbating please, do so without the use of any pornographic images depicting quote, unquote 'angry sex.' That having been said, I'm a pretty good guy, and I think you'll be pleasantly surprised how much fun we can have together.
Dave Buznik: Geez, without slippy-flippy's or angry masturbating I don't see how that's possible.
Dr. Buddy Rydell: Sarcasm is anger's ugly cousin... from now on, unacceptable.
[singing] I feel pretty ... oh, so pretty ... oh, so pretty and witty and... gay.Dave Buznik
You can do it!Rudy Giuliani
Lou: I have a question: Why is it that Chuck here thinks he could smoke?
Chuck: Cause I do whatever I want whenever I want, you little Spanish fruit topping.
Lou: Honey, at least I didn't make my aunt pregnant.
Five hour drive to find out mommy had a jelly bean removed from her nose... Glad I missed work. Can we eat now?Dave Buznik
Look everybody, Pana Banana's got a heinie! He's got a heinie!Dave Buznik
You kicked some serious monk-ass there, baby!Dr. Buddy Rydell
I told you not to go there! I told you not to go there!Lou
Eskimos seem nice.Lou
I'm not a homophobe, I'm a pulling out-my-penis in-front-of you-ophobe.Dave Buznik