Chuck: After I got back, I went through a rough time. Drinkin' booze, shootin' holes in the ceilin', screamin' myself to sleep... Finally, my parents said I had to move out.
Dave Buznik: So I'm guessing that's when you decided to shack up with your aunt.
Chuck: Don't get cute, wise ass... But, yes.

He was wondering how a man weighing 600 pounds could teach people about self-discipline.

Dr. Buddy Rydell

By the way, I like to sleep in the nude.

Dr. Buddy Rydell

Judge: You think you can help him?
Dr. Buddy Rydell: Yep. And if I can't, I'll tear him apart with my bare hands.

Shaun: It's not that I don't wanna spend time with you, cause I do. It's just... Ed doesn't have too many friends.
Ed: Can I get... any of you cunts... a drink?

Shaun: Don't point that gun at my mum!
Ed: Don't point that gun at Barbara!

Ed: Hey, Shaun, look who it is!
Shaun: FUCK-A-DOODLE-DO!

[after Shaun hits zombie with butt of rifle] Why didn't you just shoot him?

David: I'm not staying here.
Liz: David, don't, that's suicide.
Ed: I think he should go.

Who died and made you fucking king of the zombies?

He's not my Dad, he's my stepdad!

Shaun

Ed, this is serious!

Shaun

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