Shaun: Don't point that gun at my mum!
Ed: Don't point that gun at Barbara!

Ed: Hey, Shaun, look who it is!
Shaun: FUCK-A-DOODLE-DO!

[after Shaun hits zombie with butt of rifle] Why didn't you just shoot him?

David: I'm not staying here.
Liz: David, don't, that's suicide.
Ed: I think he should go.

Who died and made you fucking king of the zombies?

He's not my Dad, he's my stepdad!

Shaun

Ed, this is serious!

Shaun

Barbara: [Over the phone] Some men tried to get into the house.
Shaun: Well are they still there?
Barbara: [Over the phone] I'm not sure, we've shut the curtains.

Shaun: [hands Liz flowers] Got you these.
Liz: [Liz reads label] "To a wonderful mum"?
Shaun: [sniggers] Oooh! Yeah, that's, because... I thought, it would be, funny, because of what you said last night about me y'know, don't wanna be my mum and that. It's just a little joke, just sort of spur of the moment...
Liz: [long pause] They're for your mum, aren't they?
Shaun: Yeah.
Liz: Smooth.

Shaun: [about Ed] Oh, he's sold a bit of weed now and then. You've sold pot.
Pete: Yeah. Once. In college. To you.

Shaun: Philip, have you still got the child-locks on?
Philip: Safety first, Shaun.

Liz: It's just that with Ed here, it's no wonder I always bring my flatmates out, and then that only exacerbates things.
Shaun: What you mean?
Liz: Well, you guys hardly get on, do you?
Shaun: No... what does 'exacerbate' mean?

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