Favorite Comedy Quotes
Russel: It will be Terry's job to give the actors their hand cue.
Wayne Campbell: Excuse me, Russel, but I believe I requested the hand job...
Oh, I don't know, Charlie. Unlike you, I never expected "the thunderbolt." I always just hoped that, that I'd meet some nice friendly girl, like the look of her, hope the look of me didn't make her physically sick, then pop the question and, um, settle down and be happy. It worked for my parents. Well, apart from the divorce and all that.Tom
My woman, Miss Lopez, must love the land as I do.Armando Alvarez
Roy O'Bannon: The thing about your husband, and this is nothing against him, I mean I really like him, but...
[lowering his voice]
Roy O'Bannon: he comes from a very male dominated society.
Dr. Peter Venkman: This city is headed for a disaster of biblical proportions.
Mayor: What do you mean, "biblical"?
Dr Ray Stantz: What he means is Old Testament, Mr. Mayor, real wrath-of-God type stuff.
Dr. Peter Venkman: Exactly.
Dr Ray Stantz: Fire and brimstone coming down from the skies. Rivers and seas boiling.
Dr. Egon Spengler: Forty years of darkness. Earthquakes, volcanoes...
Winston Zeddemore: The dead rising from the grave.
Dr. Peter Venkman: Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together - mass hysteria.
Milly: See that's the fun of the Tuna Pasta Toss. Because it's fun and it's easy. And when you're cooking for one, it's really important to look forward to the end result. You know?
Johnny: What if you want to make it for two?
Milly: It's a little bit more complicated, but I think it can be done. Um... I see some of you have already gone ahead and added your carrots and your pickled relish and remember that some people like dill.
Come on! I get better runs in my shorts!Patches O'Houlihan
Doug Butabi: Idiot.
Craig: You know Doug, just because you and your brother are having problems, that's no reason to refer to my intellectual capacity in a diminutive manner.
Agent 99: Max has no experience, and I don't want him as my partner.
Maxwell Smart: Well, that is a sucker punch to the gonads.
Tell that stupid Mick he just made my list of things to do today.Max Fischer
Anthony: Why aren't you over there right now?
Dignan: Because we're fugitives... and he fired me.
Chuck Porter: You know what they say about blind prostitutes?
Chuck Porter: You have to hand it to them!