Favorite Comedy Quotes
That's called the quart of blood technique... you do that and a quart of blood will come out a guy
Billy Ray Valentine
This an outrage! I demand a full investigation!
Mortimer Duke
Louis Winthorpe III: Randolph. Mortimer.
Mortimer Duke: Winthorpe, my boy, what have you got for us?
Louis Winthorpe III: Well, it's that time of the month again. Payroll checks for our employees, which require your signatures. And no forgetting to sign the big ones!
Mortimer Duke: We seem to be paying some of our employees an awful lot of money.
Louis Winthorpe III: [laughs] Can't get around the old minimum wage, Mortimer.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Without warning, I will attack you. In this way, I will keep you vigilant and alert.
[attacks Ponton, but Ponton hits Clouseau]
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Good one.
Ponton: Thank you.
Ponton: You never cease to surprise me, sir.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: It's true. My surprises, they are rarely unexpected.
Nigel Boswell/Agent 006: Boswell. Nigel Boswell. 006. You know what that means?
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Of course! It means you are one away from the big time.
French journalist: Inspector, do you know if the killer was a man or woman?
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Well of course I know that! What else is there? A kitten?
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: What? What did you say?
Ponton: Nothing.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: You mean, you didn't just say: Stop the car, dear God, I beg of you, stop the car?
When I first heard the name Clouseau, he was a little nothing. Just another police officer in a small village far from Paris. He was the village idiot, I think.
Chief Inspector Dreyfus
I had been nominated for the Medal of Honor. I have been so nominated seven times. I have never won. Still, seven times, that is something.
Chief Inspector Dreyfus
Ponton: He was just found dead in a training facility locker room. Shot in the head.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Was it fatal?
Ponton: Yes.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: How fatal?
Ponton: Um, completely.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: I want to talk to him now!
You are Yuri the trainer who trains.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau
