Aaron: Let me get this straight: our dad was "bromantically" involved with a guy that could fit in his pocket, and you're mad because he's white?

DEA Agent Parker: Do. You. Speak American?
Armando Alvarez: No sir. I don't speak American.

Bantam: America's greatest president.
Rand: It's me, Rand. Open up.
Bantam: America's greatest president.
Rand: Damn it. "Who is Ronald Reagan?"
Bantam: A casual shoe for yachting.
Rand: What are you trying to figure out, B.D.? Who could I be? "What is a blucher?"
Bantam: They killed Jesus Christ.
Rand: "Who are the Jews?" Open up, sucko.

Chon Wang: What do you see?
Roy: He just pulled a fancy dragon key out of his desk.
Chon Wang: That was my father's! I must avenge his honor.
Roy: Slow down, Tiger. Slow down. Quit going all Chinese on me.

Peter Highman: If I miss the birth of my own child, I'm gonna choke you out with your own scarf. Wrap that thing 'round your head, and choke you out.
Ethan Tremblay: Sounds a bit... drastic.

Run for it? Running's not a plan! Running's what you do once a plan fails!

Earl Bassett

Party Guest: I finally had an orgasm, and my doctor said it was the wrong kind.
Isaac Davis: You had the wrong kind? I've never had the wrong kind, ever. My worst one was right on the money.

Bethany: McHenry is pretty far from Jersey, might I ask what brings you guys to Illinois?
Jay: Some fuck named John Hughes.
Bethany: "16 Candles" John Hughes?
Jay: You know him too? That fucking guy.

Rob: Liking both Marvin Gaye and Art Garfunkel is like supporting both the Israelis and the Palestinians.
Laura: No, it's really not, Rob. You know why? Because Marvin Gaye and Art Garfunkel make pop records.
Rob: Made. Made. Marvin Gaye is dead. His father shot him.

Moe: [After a nun is hit with a giant church bell falling off a roof] Do you know that nun?
Curly: No, but the face rings a bell.

What New York really is, is it's an island, with lots of people, lots of different people... I hope to maybe meet some guys, some Italian guys, and maybe watch some TV.

Libby Mae Brown

Inigo Montoya: I donna suppose you could speed things up?
Westley: If you're in such a hurry, you could lower a rope or a tree branch or find something useful to do.
Inigo Montoya: I could do that. I have some rope up here, but I do not think you would accept my help, since I am only waiting around to kill you.
Westley: That does put a damper on our relationship.
Inigo Montoya: But - I promise I will not kill you until you reach the top.
Westley: That's very comforting. But I'm afraid you'll just have to wait.

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