Favorite Comedy Quotes
Nathaniel: Sire, do you... like yourself?
Prince Edward: What's not to like?
Colonel Brandon: She is wholly unspoilt.
Elinor Dashwood: Rather too unspoilt, in my view. The sooner she becomes acquainted with the ways of the world, the better.
Colonel Brandon: I knew a lady very like your sister - the same impulsive sweetness of temper - who was forced into, as you put it, a better acquaintance with the world. The result was only ruination and despair. Do not desire it, Miss Dashwood.
Your Commie has no regard for human life, not even of his own. For this reason men, I want to impress upon you the need for extreme watchfulness. The enemy may come individually, or in strength. He may even appear in the form of our own troops. But however we must stop him. We must not allow him to gain entrance to this base. Now, I'm going to give you THREE SIMPLE rulesGeneral Jack D. Ripper
Rosemary Cross: That's none of your business.
Max Fischer: I know it's not, but I just got hit my a car and I'm feeling a little confused.
Rufus: White folks only want to hear the good shit: life eternal, a place in God's Heaven. But as soon as they hear they're getting this good shit from a black Jesus, they freak. And that, my friends, is called hypocrisy. A black man can steal your stereo, but he can't be your Savior.
Run for it? Running's not a plan! Running's what you do once a plan fails!Earl Bassett
Max Fischer: How much are you worth, by the way?
Herman Blume: I don't know.
Max Fischer: Over ten million?
Herman Blume: Yeah, I guess so.
Max Fischer: Good, good.
Herman Blume: Why?
Max Fischer: Cause we're gonna need all of it.
You know I'm a better cop when I get some in the morning, I feel lighter on my feet.Marcus Burnett
Becca Crane: So are we going to be uh, at the same school?
Jacob: I go to school at the reservation.
Becca Crane: Oh, it must be fun to gamble and drink all day.
Aaron: Let me get this straight: our dad was "bromantically" involved with a guy that could fit in his pocket, and you're mad because he's white?
DEA Agent Parker: Do. You. Speak American?
Armando Alvarez: No sir. I don't speak American.
Oh, no no no no. Dead broad off the table.Shrek