Favorite Comedy Quotes
Steve Bolander: I thought, maybe before I leave, we could agree that... that seeing other people while I'm away can't possibly hurt, you know.
Laurie Henderson: You mean dating other people?
Steve Bolander: I think it would strengthen our relationship. Then we'd know for sure that we're really in love. Not that there's any doubt.
Oooooh! Nice briefcase!Elle
The Thinker: I'm thinkin'...
Larry Daley: This is hopeless.
We bought a zoo!Rosie
Same thing happened to me. They found me in a back alley when I thought I was Neil Armstrong and was trying to reenter the Earth's atmosphere in a refrigerator box.Kirk Lazarus
H.I.: I think the wife and me are splitting up. Her point is that we're both kind of selfish and unrealistic, so we're not really good for each other.
Nathan Arizona Sr.: Well, ma'am, I don't know much, but I do know human beings. You brought back my boy, so you must have your good points, too. I sure hate to think of Florence leaving me. I do love her so. You can go out the way you came in. Oh, and before you do another foolish thing like busting up, I suggest you sleep on it. At least for a night.
Harold: Dude, we're so high right now!
Kumar: We're not low!
Shaun: I have to go to college.
Shaun: Because it's what you do after high school.
All every woman really wants, be it a mother, senator, nun, is some serious deep dicking.Banky Edwards
Tommy: Where are we gonna take the deer?
Richard Hayden: I dunno, the vet?
Tommy: You take dead animals to the vet?
Richard Hayden: Why not? I'd take you to the vet.
Tommy: Yeah I'll take you to the... Um...
Richard Hayden: Got that?
Tommy: Shut up.
Truth is for suckers, Johnny Boy.Charlie
Metropolitan Police Inspector: [darkly] You don't want me to get the Chief Inspector down here do you?
Nicholas Angel: Yes, I would actually.
Metropolitan Police Inspector: Very well.
[to a man by the door]
Metropolitan Police Inspector: Kenneth?