Favorite Comedy Quotes
People say Intelligent Design, we must teach Intelligent Design. Look at the human body, is that intelligent? You have a waste processing plant next to a recreation area.Tom Dobbs
Melissa: You really love animals, don't you?
Ace Ventura: If it gets cold enough.
Those crazy little fuckers man, they sure know their numbers.Kelly
Stinky Pete the Prospector: How long will it last, Woody? Do you really think Andy is going to take you to college, or on his honeymoon? Andy's growing up, and there's nothing you can do about it. It's your choice, Woody. You can go back, or you can stay with us and last forever. You'll be adored by children for generations.
Woody: [pets Bullseye the Horse, then suddenly decides to stay] Who am I to break up the Roundup Gang?
Bruce: So, what's a couple of bites like you doing out so late?
Marlin: Nothing, we're not doing anything, we're not even out.
Bruce: Great! Then how would you little morsels like to come to a little - a little get-together I'm having?
Dory: You mean like a party?
Bruce: Yeah, that's it, a party! What do you say?
Dory: Oh, I love parties! That sounds like fun.
Harold: ...The universe tends to unfold as it should.
Kumar: What is that? Some fortune cookie?
Rabinowitz: What are you reading?
Topper: Great Expectations.
Rabinowitz: Is it any good?
Topper: It's not what I'd hoped for.
... I got nothing.Silent Bob
To the top of Mount Wanna-hock-a-loogie.Gill
NOBODY steps on a church in my town.Dr. Peter Venkman
I had the strangest dream. I dreamt that some psychopath was trying to break the two of you up. Luckily, I woke up and I see that the world is just as it should be. For my best friend has won the best woman. I didn't buy you a gift. But this is on loan until you two find your song...Julianne Potter
Oh, this your wife, huh? A lovely lady. Hey baby, you must've been something before electricity.Al Czervik