Dr. Buddy Rydell: Alright, I'm going to need for you to retard your anger level a few notches and listen to me, can you do that?
Dave Buznik: Oh yeah, yeah, yeah... it's retarded, I'm retarded.

You kicked some serious monk-ass there, baby!

Dr. Buddy Rydell

I told you not to go there! I told you not to go there!

Lou

Eskimos seem nice.

Lou

I'm not a homophobe, I'm a pulling out-my-penis in-front-of you-ophobe.

Dave Buznik

Can you please give me your name Mr. Head, and please don't tell me it's Dick!

Dr. Buddy Rydell

Dr. Buddy Rydell: She said she was going out with a friend named Andrea.
Dave Buznik: She doesn't have a friend named Andrea. Did she say Andrew?
Dr. Buddy Rydell: Oh, ah, yes Andrew... the testicle with legs.

Dave Buznik: Hi, I'm glad I'm not the only one in anger management.
Bobby Knight: What? I don't need anger management! I thought this was sexaholics anonymous!
Dave Buznik: Uh, I think that's down the hall.
Bobby Knight: Oh, screw this!

Dr. Buddy Rydell: I'm going to need you to retard your anger.
Dave Buznik: It's retarded. I'm retarded.

Dr. Buddy Rydell: Now you are going to go up to her and tell her the following, "I'm sorry I was so rude before but it's difficult for me to express myself when I am on the verge of exploding in my pants."
Dave Buznik: Huh ... No!
Dr. Buddy Rydell: Listen, if you don't tell her that, I'll fail you and send you to prison.
Dave Buznik: So if I go up to her and repeat that crazy shit probably stolen from a porno film, you sick bastard, you'll release me from the program?

Chuck: Yeah? And I'm sure I just heard him mutter some kind of anti-Semitic remark.
Dave Buznik: Are you Jewish?
Chuck: I could be, but no. Half Irish, half Italian, half Mexican.

Chuck: I still remember the war...
Dave Buznik: Oh, yeah?
Chuck: Yeah... Remember waking up to the sound of bombs dropping and children screaming...
Dave Buznik: Oh, you were in Vietnam?
Chuck: No... Grenada.
Dave Buznik: Didn't that, like, last only 12 hours?

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