Favorite Comedy Quotes
Carter: You don't know nothing about no War.
Lee: Everybody knows War.
Lee: War! Huh! Yeah! What is it good for? Absolutely nothing, sing it again, you all!
Carter: It ain't 'you all', it's "y'all"!
Carter: Man you sound like a Karate movie, y'all!
Ben: James, I wanted to ask your blessing in asking your sister to marry me.
James: Show me that you're worthy of her.
Ben: How am I supposed to do that?
James: I'm gonna take you on a ride-along.
Ben: Hell... yeah!
Elliot: [when Boog asks where are the toilets in the forest] Don't look now, but I see a little bush with your name written all over it.
Boog: A bush? Are you serious?
Elliot: Go on. Its just like riding a bicycle, only... you're crapping on it.
Walter: Who sent this Christmas Gram?
Buddy: What's a Christmas Gram? I want one!
Truck Driver: [shouts] Ya dumb broad!
Driving instructor: All right, Stephanie, gently extend your arm. Extend your middle finger. Very good. Well done.
Since most of these people are cheering for the home team, I'm going to root for the visitors. I'm a big visitors fan. Especially the kind that make coffee in the morning before they leave!Alyssa
You hit me. Look don't make me participate in your stupid crap if you don't like the way I do it. You make me get out of bed, you make me come over here. You make me make a phony phone call to Edward Rooney? The man could squash my nuts into oblivion. And-and-and then, and then, you deliberately hurt my feelings.Cameron
Crash Davis: You having fun yet?
Ebby Calvin LaLoosh: Oh, yeah. Havin' a blast.
Crash Davis: Good.
Ebby Calvin LaLoosh: God, that sucker teed off on that like he knew I was gonna throw a fastball!
Crash Davis: He did know.
Ebby Calvin LaLoosh: How?
Crash Davis: I told him.
Constantine: You guys have all the freedom you want!
Gonzo: When can I do my indoor running with the bulls?
Dante Hicks: Can you feel it?
Randal Graves: Feel what?
Dante Hicks: Today is the first day of the rest of our lives.
Princess Fiona: What are you doing? You know, you should sweep me off my feet out yonder window and down a rope onto your valiant steed.
Shrek: You've had a lot of time to plan this, haven't you?
Come on Stevie, time to leavey, It's the fun bus man!Chip Douglas