Favorite Comedy Quotes
Veronica Sawyer: Hey, Martha. My date for the prom kinda flaked out on me. I was wondering, If you weren't doing anything that night, maybe we could rent some new releases and pop some popcorn.
Martha 'Dumptruck' Dunnstock: I'd like that.
Veronica Sawyer: Yeah. Me too.
Veronica Sawyer: Dear Diary: Heather told me she teaches people "real life." She said, real life sucks losers dry. You want to fuck with the eagles, you have to learn to fly. I said, so, you teach people how to spread their wings and fly? She said, yes. I said, you're beautiful.
You were nothing before you met me. You were playing Barbies with Betty Finn. You were a Bluebird. You were a Brownie. You were a Girl Scout Cookie.Heather Chandler
Great pate, mom, but I gotta motor if I wanna be ready for that party tonight.Veronica Sawyer
Heather Chandler: You stupid fuck.
Veronica Sawyer: You goddamn bitch.
Heather Chandler: I brought you to a Remington party and what's my thanks? It's on a hallway carpet. I got paid in puke.
Veronica Sawyer: Lick it up, baby. Lick. It. Up.
Heather McNamara: Suicide is a private thing.
Veronica Sawyer: You're throwing your life away to become a statistic on U. S. fucking A. Today; that's about the least private thing I can think of.
The extreme always seems to make an impression.J.D.
Our love is God, let's go get a Slushie.J.D.
Your society nods its head at any horror the American teenager can think to bring upon itself.J.D.
Heather Duke: Veronica, can you come back here a minute?
Veronica Sawyer: A true friend's work is never done.
Heather Chandler: Gross.
Heather McNamara: God, they're not gonna expel him. they'll just suspend him for a week or something.
Heather Chandler: He used a real gun, they should throw his ass in jail.
Veronica Sawyer: He used blanks. all he did was ruin 2 pairs of pants, maybe not even that... can you bleach out urine stains?
Veronica Sawyer: What the fuck?
Rodney: Ok, now I rarely listen to Neanderthals like Kurt Kelly but he said that he and Ram had a nice little sword fight in your mouth last night.
Veronica Sawyer: Ew! That son of a bitch.