Favorite Comedy Quotes
Dan Foreman: I'm not gonna try to sell you.
Eugene Kalb: Why the hell not? You're a salesman.
Dan Foreman: Yeah. Just not a very good one, that's all.
Eugene Kalb: I'll say.
Dan Foreman: But I am going to ask you one favor.
Eugene Kalb: Oh, yeah?
Dan Foreman: I'm gonna leave you an issue of the magazine and I'm personnally gonna send you a new one every week. Now, I'll call you in a few weeks, and if you want to we'll talk. There's a great article in there comparing today's quarterbacks with Johnny Unitas.
Eugene Kalb: [scoffs] Unitas would kick their butts. So this is your sales pitch?
Dan Foreman: I've been with the magazine for 20 years. I believe in it.
You're the new me. No wait... I'm the new me.Mark Steckle
Eugene Kalb: My son-in-law says I'm a dinosaur.
Dan Foreman: Hey, don't knock the dinosaurs. They ruled the earth for millions of years. They must've been going something right.
Carter Duryea: [Carter and Alex meet in an elevator] 47. Are you going to Sports America offices?
Alex Foreman: Yeah.
Carter Duryea: You an intern or something?
Alex Foreman: Uh, no, my dad works there.
Carter Duryea: Oh.
Alex Foreman: Are you interning there?
Carter Duryea: No, I'm starting a job there today.
Alex Foreman: That's good. Congratulations.
Carter Duryea: Oh, thank you. I'm totally scared shitless. I have no idea what I'm doing. Don't tell anyone, okay?
Alex Foreman: Okay.
But this isn't a foxhole. It's a Porsche.Alex Foreman
Dan Foreman: You're pregnant? Holy crap! Does it feel like a boy?
Ann Foreman: Right now it feels like the stomach flu.
Ann Foreman: I'm pregnant!
Dan Foreman: What? I'm sorry, I thought you just said that you were pregnant.
Ann Foreman: Yeah.
Dan Foreman: You can't be pregnant.
Ann Foreman: Yeah I can, I am
Dan Foreman: Yeah, how could that happen?
Ann Foreman: Well I think that you were there too.
Dan Foreman: This is fine, this is fine. That means, when he's 21, ill be... 72.
Ann Foreman: 73.
Dan Foreman: 72.
Ann Foreman: 73.
Dan Foreman: Holy crap.
You seem jumpy, Carter... did you switch from mocha to crack?Dan Foreman
Alex Foreman: You're kind of a bizarrely honest guy, huh?
Carter Duryea: No, just around you.
Alex Foreman: [laughs while kissing Carter]
Carter Duryea: What?
Alex Foreman: Oh, nothing, I was just thinking about how my dad said he wired this place with video surveillance.
Carter Duryea: Yeah, that's hilarious.
Carter Duryea: I'm gonna have to let some people go.
Dan Foreman: Why do you say let them go? They don't WANT to go. Why don't you just say fire them?
Carter Duryea: Because it sounds better.
Dan Foreman: Not to the person getting fired it doesn't.