Favorite Comedy Quotes
The seven deadly sins. Who can name the seven deadly sins? People! It was a very popular film with Brad Pitt, you have the ultimate cliff note.Father Brian Finn
Harry Burns: How long do you like to be held after sex? All night, right? See, that's your problem. Somewhere between 30 seconds and all night is your problem.
Sally Albright: I don't have a problem.
Harry Burns: Yes, you do.
Just because your dad called the cops doesn't mean that he doesn't love you.Dale Arbus
Roy: How about a gross of fluorescent condoms for the the novelty machine in the men's room? I mean, those are fun even when you're alone. We're talkin' the hula hoop of the nineties.
Lancaster Bowl Manager: Look, I've told you. We don't need nuthin'. We don't even have a novelty machine in the men's room anymore.
Roy: And you call yourselves a bowling alley?
Elias: Fuck Pillowpants! Honk if you love or like pussy!
Jay: [Looks at Silent Bob] Yo, we love pussy!
Damnit Derek, I'm a coal miner, not a professional film or television actor.Larry Zoolander
Oooooh! Nice briefcase!Elle
Deputy Clementine Johnson: You need to go to the store and get me some cranberry juice cuz it's gonna be one of those days!
Lieutenant Jim Dangle: Uh oh, yeast infection time!
[at board meeting] I'd like to move us right to Peter Gibbons. We had a chance to meet this young man, and boy that's just a straight shooter with upper management written all over him.Bob Slydell
It was the summer before 9th grade, and there was me, Brian, Kenny, Scarface, and of course the lovable Old James... hold on, wait a minute... Old James... Old James wasn't there... I don't even know nobody named Old James.Thurgood Jenkins
Why would a reviewer make the point of saying someone's NOT a genius? Do you especially think I'm NOT a genius? You didn't even have to think about it, did you?Eli
H.I.: I think the wife and me are splitting up. Her point is that we're both kind of selfish and unrealistic, so we're not really good for each other.
Nathan Arizona Sr.: Well, ma'am, I don't know much, but I do know human beings. You brought back my boy, so you must have your good points, too. I sure hate to think of Florence leaving me. I do love her so. You can go out the way you came in. Oh, and before you do another foolish thing like busting up, I suggest you sleep on it. At least for a night.