Favorite Comedy Quotes
[as Simple Jack] Mama, I'll see you again tonight in my head movies. But this head movies makes my eyes rain!Tugg Speedman
Mitch: Sorry, your seatbelt seems to be broken. What do you recommend I do?
Cab Driver: I recommend you stop being such a faggot. You're in the backseat.
Alan Garner: Can I ask you another question?
Alan Garner: You probably get this a lot. This isn't the real Caesar's Palace is it?
Lisa: What do you mean?
Alan Garner: Did, umm... did Caesar live here?
Alan Garner: I didn't think so.
I grab a dog. I choke him and I kick the shit out of him. All day long got my foot up a dog's ass. Just bang, bang, bang up his ass. That's my pleasure.Mr. Jones
Jack Sparrow: We are very much alike, you and I, I and you... us.
Elizabeth Swann: Oh. Except for a sense of honor and decency and a moral center. And personal hygiene.
Jack Sparrow: [Sniffs his armpit and looks back] Trifles.
[on Dr. Gonzo] There he goes. One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die.Raoul Duke
I'm a lead farmer, mother fucker!Kirk Lazarus
Danny: No, no. It's not a cow. It's a a minotaur. It's a creature of myth. And he got this one out of your mom's closet.
Wheeler: She let me keep it after I fucked her.
Jack Sparrow: Elizabeth!
[Turns to Gibbs]
Jack Sparrow: Hide the rum.
Wheeler: [sits down] What up, Ronnie?
Ronnie: I don't wanna take my pants off!
Wheeler: [stunned] What?
Martin: Whatever. I'm glad I'm not a Jew.
Ben Stone: So are we. You weren't chosen for a reason.
Elizabeth Swann: Jack, the letters, give them back.
Jack Sparrow: No. Persuade me.
Elizabeth Swann: You do know Will taught me how to handle a sword.
Jack Sparrow: As I said, persuade me.