Favorite Comedy Quotes
John Lennon is rolling over in his grave to hide the giant boner you just gave him!David Marshall
Ha, your pig fiance is too late!Westley
Mitch Burns: I swear, the minute I saw her I felt like I was in the room with an angel.
Dan Burns: Yeah, well, this corn is an angel.
[Inside the whale] I have to get out of here! I have to find my son! I have to tell him how old sea turtles are!Marlin
I was trying to help you, bitch!Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Peter Gibbons: Our high school guidance counselor used to ask us what you'd do if you had a million dollars and you didn't have to work. And invariably what you'd say was supposed to be your career. So, if you wanted to fix old cars you're supposed to be an auto mechanic.
Samir: So what did you say?
Peter Gibbons: I never had an answer. I guess that's why I'm working at Initech.
Michael Bolton: No, you're working at Initech because that question is bullshit to begin with. If everyone listened to her, there'd be no janitors, because no one would clean shit up if they had a million dollars.
Throw to first... Hayes is picked off! Personally, I think we got hosed on that call.Harry Doyle
Is that... is that hair gel?Mary
[sitting watching "Ghost" and crying] God, I'm a fag.Tank
Hell to the no!Rasputia
Is it that hard to make us look cool?Jeff Bebe
I think Eskimos are smug.Chuck