Favorite Comedy Quotes
We have a new record. Cue the cheesy inspirational music.Bruce
T.S. Quint: Jesus, how much did you smoke?
Jay: All it took was a phat, chronic blunt. These guys were lightweights.
T.S. Quint: How much do I owe you?
Jay: My treat. As long as you promise that the next time you pop your old lady, you make her call you "Jay." Snootchie Bootchies.
T.S. Quint: Let's hope there is a next time.
You've lost your "winging it" privileges!Roy O'Bannon
The kingdom of FAR FAR Away, Donkey? That's where we're going! FAR! FAR!... away.Shrek
[after teaching Jack how to evaluating a glass of wine prior to tasting] ... Are you chewing gum?Miles Raymond
When you're in love with a married man, you shouldn't wear mascara.Fran Kubelik
Regina said she'll talk to Aaron. And now she is. How can Janis hate her? She's such a good... SLUT!Cady
Sue: I've always had a thing for Santa Claus. In case you didn't notice. It's like some deep-seeded childhood thing.
Willie: So is my thing for tits.
Architect: Mr. Blume, how are Ronny and Donny enjoying military school?
Herman Blume: They love it.
Magnus Buchan: Lucky bastards.
[Comes in to the party with the bruise on his face]
Beth: What happened to your face.
Ronny: Oh I just had this bar fight.
Nick: Bar Fight
Ronny: I got this place called Zips, Zips bar and grill.
Ronny: It is a place where liers and scumbags and all kind of weird stuff like a blow up of marriage hang out.
Mike Dexter: Guys, we're gonna be in college soon. You know what there's gonna be in college, right?
Jake: Girls that used to be in high school.
Mike Dexter: No, women. College women. Women with no curfew, women on the pill, women... women, bro. We are staring into the future here. And the future is women.
Macaulay Connor: You've got all the arrogance of your class, haven't you?
Tracy Lord: What have classes to do with it? What do they matter except for the people in them? George comes from the so-called lower class, Dexter, the upper. Well?
Macaulay Connor: Well...
Tracy Lord: Mac the night watchman is a prince among men, Uncle Willie is a... pincher. Upper and lower my eye. I'll take the lower, thanks.
Macaulay Connor: If you can't get a drawing room.
Tracy Lord: What does that mean?
Macaulay Connor: My mistake.
Tracy Lord: Decidedly. You're insulting!
Macaulay Connor: Sorry.
Tracy Lord: Oh, don't apologize!
Macaulay Connor: Well, who's apologizing?
Tracy Lord: I never knew such a man.
Macaulay Connor: You wouldn't be likely to, from where you sit!
Tracy Lord: Talk about arrogance.
Macaulay Connor: Tracy.
Tracy Lord: What do you want?
Macaulay Connor: [pause] You're wonderful.