Favorite Comedy Quotes
Claire Standish: He's just doing it to get a rise out of you. Just ignore him.
John Bender: Sweets. You couldn't ignore me if you tried. So... so. Are you guys like boyfriend-girlfriend? Steady dates? Lovers? Come on, sporto, level with me. Do you slip her the hot beef injection?
Claire Standish: Go to HELL.
Richard Vernon: Hey. What's the hell's goin in there? Spoiled brats.
Chon Wang: I look like a fool.
Roy: What? You're a Maharajah! That's Indian royalty!
Chon Wang: But I'm Chinese.
Roy: It's the same thing.
[after revealing her secret to Matt]
Jenny Johnson: Say "I'd rather have a chainsaw shoved up my ass than tell."
Matt Saunders: Is that a possibility?
Jenny Johnson: Say it!
Matt Saunders: Ok. I'd rather have a chainsaw shoved up my ass than tell.
I will bitch-slap you back to Africa.Lee
April: Is your name really Clitz?
Klitz: Yeah, with a K.
Nigel Tufnel: You can't fucking concentrate because of your fucking wife! Simple as that, alright? It's your fucking wife!
David St. Hubbins: She's not my wife.
Nigel Tufnel: Well whatever FUCK she is, alright? You can't concentrate!
Dina Byrnes: Now Greg, you have a *very* unique last name and Jack and I were wondering how to pronounce it?
Greg Focker: Oh, just like its spelt. F-O-C-K-E-R.
Dina Byrnes: F-Focker.
Jack Byrnes: Hmm, Focker.
Kah Mun Rah: [dramatically] I have come back to life!
Larry Daley: No, I heard that. I got that. Welcome back.
Rufus T. Firefly: Maybe you can suggest something. As a matter of fact, you do suggest something. To me you suggest a baboon.
Ambassador Trentino: What?
Rufus T. Firefly: I, uh, I'm sorry I said that; it isn't fair to the rest of the baboons.
[on phone] Hello, babe. No, I'm not busy, no - fire away.Sarah
Harry: Where's Julian?
Erica: He's back at the hotel. He said when he saw me with you, he knew I was still in love with you... what do you have to say about that?
Harry: If... if it's true, my life just got made.
Ben: So let's start the interrogation.
Molly: No, no, it's not like that.
Ian: [finishes his drink and hands it to Ben] Here, for the urine test.
Ben: Aw, really? I wish you would have told me I just wizzed in your bushes.