Favorite Comedy Quotes
Dean Vernon Wormer: Well, well, well. Looks like somebody forgot there's a rule against alcoholic beverages in fraternities on probation!
Otter: What a tool.
Dean Vernon Wormer: I didn't get that, son, what was that?
Otter: Uh, I said, "What a shame that a few bad apples have to spoil a good time for everyone by breaking the rules."
Dean Vernon Wormer: Put a sock in it, boy, or else you'll be outta here like shit through a goose.
Edith: It's against the law to be married to two people at the same time!
Dewey Cox: What about if, if you're famous?
Mrs. Dashwood: Reduced to the condition of visitor in my own home. It is not to be borne Elinor.
Elinor Dashwood: But consider Mamma, we have nowhere to go.
Mrs. Dashwood: John and Fanny will be arriving from London at any moment. Do you expect me to be here to welcome them? Vultures.
Steve Zissou: We'll split into two groups. I'll take Ned, Ogata, and Wolodarsky.
Klaus Daimler: Thanks. Thanks a lot for not picking me.
Wanda: Let's make love.
Archie: Well, if you absolutely insist...
I don't care where you come from, that has got to hurt!RamÃ³n
What do you think I was doing the whole time you were out there man? I told you Dignan got fired, out on his ass. But you didn't think about that, did you. In the end it's easier to think about yourself than it is to think about Dignan.Dignan
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to my underground lair. I have gathered here before me the world's deadliest assassins.Dr. Evil
Jack Byrnes: I mean, can you really trust another human being, Greg?
Greg Focker: Yeah, I think so.
Jack Byrnes: No. The answer is you can not.
Charles: What do you think honey?
Lydia: Delia hates it. I could live here.
Wayne: Our enemy is wicked, so...
J.D.: Dude, she's Freddy Krueger.
J.D.: Dude, she's Vader.
Wayne: No! She's the Emperor.
J.D.: Yeah, but with really great tits.
Wayne: Ok, now Sandy, that girl, she's a real nice girl.
J.D.: Ah, yeah.
Wayne: She's a sweetheart.
J.D.: Dude, a saint.
Wayne: A goddess.
J.D.: A princess.
Wayne: No what? She's kinda like Mother Teresa.
J.D.: Yeah, but with way better tits.
Bartleby: You know, here's what I don't get about you. You know for a fact that there is a God. You have been in his presence. He's spoken to you personally, and yet I just heard you claim to be an atheist.
Loki: I just like to fuck with the clergy, man. I just love it. I just love to keep those guys on their toes.