Favorite Comedy Quotes
We're so damned lost. Where the hell is Innsbruck, Austria?John Winger
Sergeant Hulka: Men, welcome to the United States Army. I'm Sergeant Hulka. I'm your drill sergeant. Before we proceed any further, we gotta get something straight. Your mamas are not here to take care of you now. It's just you, me, and Uncle Sam. And before I leave you, you're gonna find out that me and Uncle Sam are one in the same.
John Winger: Uncle Hulka?
Sergeant, does this mean we're through for the day?Dewey Oxburger
Sergeant Hulka: I'm talking about something important, like discipline and duty and honor and courage. And you ain't got none of it!
John Winger: Those words mean so much to a man who scrubs garbage cans. Look, if you don't want me in your Army, kick me out, but get off my back.
John Winger: Why'd the chicken cross the road?
Soldiers: To get from the left to the right
John Winger: He stepped out of rank, got hit by a tank
Soldiers: He ain't no chicken no more
Veronica Sawyer: Watch it Heather, you might be digesting food there.
Heather McNamara: Yeah, where's your urge to purge?
Heather Duke: Fuck it.
Now I've seen a lot of bullshit... angel dust, switchblades, sexually perverse photography involving tennis rackets...Principal
Transfer to Washington. Transfer to Jefferson. No one at Westerberg is going to let you play their reindeer games.Heather Chandler
People will look at the ashes of Westerburg and say, "Now there's a school that self-destructed, not because society didn't care, but because the school was society." Now that's deep.J.D.
Chaos was what killed the dinosaurs, darlingJ.D.
It's one thing to want someone out of your life, but it's another thing to serve them a wake-up cup full of liquid drainer.Veronica Sawyer
Kurt Kelly: Hey Ram, doesn't this cafeteria have a no fags allowed rule?
J.D.: Well, they seem to have an open door policy for assholes though don't they?