Favorite Comedy Quotes
Officer Watkins: You called about your neighbors?
Mac Radner: No.
Officer Watkins: We have caller ID, we're cops, everybody has caller ID.
[in London] Hey, I'm walking here! You're driving on the wrong side of the road! Bunch of amateurs, these people don't get it!Roy
[to Alyssa] Since you like chicks, right, do you just look at yourself naked in the mirror all the time?Banky Edwards
Cher: I want to do something for humanity.
Josh: How about sterilization?
Carl Peterson: Are you in love with my wife?
Dupree: How can you ask me that?
Um... a malt Glen Garry for me and my friend here. And if you tell that bartender to go extra easy on the water, this 50 cent piece has your name on it.Trent
Rep. Rudd: You can't get people to care.
Elle: Watch me.
This is my third marriage. How do you think that makes me look?Mr. Big
Al Fountain: I can't believe it. I've been looking all over for this place. I don't know why, really. I spent a couple of days there when I was a kid, and, and I just remember having a really good time.
Old Motel Clerk: Me, too. My brother and I drowned a cat there once.
Al Fountain: Is that right?
Lt. Commander Block: How are ya, sir?
Admiral Benson: Hawaii? Goddamn it, Bill, I'm supposed to be in California.
Lt. Commander Block: No, sir, this is California.
Admiral Benson: Well, gotta run. Good luck.
Lt. Commander Block: But, sir, this is your command.
Perhaps Margaret is right. Piracy is our only option.Edward Ferrars
Santa's having some trouble getting the sled off the ground?Fred Claus