[upon waking up after the first night of training, next to a deer he killed with his teet] Oh no, not again!

Barry Badrinath

Matilda: When I was in 7th grade, I was... the fat kid in my class.
Derek Zoolander: Ew!

We have chosen your baby to be dressed as a Nazi Officer, pushing a wheelbarrow, with a Jewish baby, into an oven!


Droz: Are we having a party tonight or what?
Cecilia: Well, there's no publicity, so there's no people; Gutter never showed up, so there's no beer; instruments just blew out, so there's no band; and I think Raji and Deege may be dead.
Droz: Wait a minute... no beer? Well, where the hell's Gutter?
Katy: Probably in a parking lot somewhere picking his nose.

Film School Student: Why'd you skip film school? Don't you think you're a little young?
Eli: Shut the fuck up. Next question.

Ian Miller: May I please date your daughter?
Gus Portokalos: NO!

How's that feel, Gilmore Girl?

Yancy Devlin

These are my BREASTS. They're so BIG. I need a BRA to strap them and support because they're so HUGE they need to be hooked and strapped for support. My big boobs, this one is bigger than this one 'cause is the mommy and that's the baby. And this one is very nice to this one and they hold hands because they're FRIENDS!

Mary Katherine Gallagher

This is our monthly "At Ease" weekend. It gives us a chance to let our hair down, although I see you've got a head start in that department. I shouldn't talk, though, I'm getting a little shaggy myself. I'd better not stand too close to you, people might think I'm part of the band. I'm joking, of course.

Lt. Hookstratten

Kyle: Get out of here, Ike. You're too young for this stuff.
Ike: Bullshit.

This is one of my personal favorite parts of the tour. Please say hello to our residents, Pedro and his wife Inez. Inez is holding a clay pot that she seems very proud of. She has carefully detailed it with lots of paint and glaze. And Pedro is working on an "adobe." Can you say that with me? "Adobe".


If there's an empty space, just fill it with a line, that's what I like to do. Even if it's from another show.

Ron Albertson

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