Favorite Comedy Quotes
Prison life is structured - more'n some people care for.H.I.
Prison Counsellor: Why do you say you feel "trapped" in a man's body?
"Trapped" Convict: Well, sometimes I get them menstrual cramps real hard.
Edwina's insides were a rocky place where my seed could find no purchase.H.I.
Gale: You understand, H.I.? If this works out, it's just the beginning of a spree to cover the entire southwest proper. And we keep going until we can retire. Or we get caught.
Evelle: Either way, we're fixed for life.
Gale: Shit! Where'd all the tellers go?
Teller's voices: We're down here, sir.
Evelle: They're on the floor as you commanded, Gale.
We figured there was too much happiness here for just the two of us, so we figured havin' a critter was the next logical step.H.I.
Now you take that diaper off your head and you put it back on your sister!Dot
Gale: Why ain't you breast-feeding? You appear to be capable.
Ed McDonnough: Mind your own bid'ness.
Evelle: Ma'am, you don't breast-feed him, he'll hate you for it later. That's why we wound up in prison.
Gale: Anyway, that's what Doc Schwartz tells us.
H.I.: What are you talkin' about, Glen?
Glen: What am I talkin' about? I'm talkin' about sex, boy, what the hell you talkin' about? I'm talkin' about l'amour! I'm talkin' that me and Dot are swingers, as in "to swing." I'm talkin' about wife swappin'. I'm talkin' about what they call nowadays open marriage. I'm talk...
H.I.: [Knocks Glen out] Keep your damn hands off my wife!
Son, you got a panty on your head.Hayseed
Nathan Arizona Sr.: If a frog had wings, it wouldn't bump its ass a- hoppin'. Look, it is exactly 8:45 in the PM. I'll be down at that store in exactly 12 hours to kick me some butt. Or my name ain't Nathan Arizona!
Say, did you hear about the person of the Polish persuasion who walked into a bar with a big 'ol pile of shit in his hands and he says, "Look what I almost stepped in"?Glen