Favorite Comedy Quotes
So what if he beat you with a candle stick. I bet it happens all the time!Dupree
Rufus T. Firefly: Lieutenant, why weren't the original indictment papers placed in my portfolio?
Bob Roland: Why, uh, I didn't think those papers were important at this time, your Excellency.
Rufus T. Firefly: You didn't think they were important? Do you realize I had my dessert wrapped in those papers?
Every time I try to talk to someone it's "sorry this" and "forgive me that" and "I'm not worthy"...God
Russell Gettis: That was a nice thing you did for him.
Elizabeth Halsey: He was going through a difficult time.
Russell Gettis: I am going through a difficult time. May I have your panties?
Elizabeth Halsey: I'm not wearing any.
Oh yeah and with friends like you who needs friends?Dirk Calloway
George Downes: Kindred spirits, eh?
Julianne Potter: No, he's nothing like me. He's like you, actually, only straight.
[to Remy] You were the one getting fancy with the spices!Linguini
He's a caca-poopookid
Brodie: There is something out there that can help us ease our simultanious double loss.
T.S. Quint: What? Ritual suicide?
Brodie: No, you idiot, the fucking mall!
T.S. Quint: I'd prefer ritual suicide.
Brodie: Oh come on man it'll be great. They have these new cookies at the cookie stand, you have to try 'em. They're awesome.
Rumack: You'd better tell the Captain we've got to land as soon as we can. This woman has to be gotten to a hospital.
Elaine Dickinson: A hospital? What is it?
Rumack: It's a big building with patients, but that's not important right now.
[sings] Oh say can you see / By the dawn's early light / What so proudly we hail / In the twilight's last gleaming? / Whose bright stripes and broad stars / In the perilous night / For the ramparts we watched / uh, da-da-da-da-da-daaaa. / And the rocket's red glare / Lots of bombs in the air / Gave proof to the night / That we still had our flag. / Oh say does that flag banner wave / Over a-a-all that's free / And the home of the land / And the land of the - FREE!Frank
Herman Blume: She's my Rushmore.
Max Fischer: I know. She was mine too.