Favorite Comedy Quotes
Get in loser, we're going shopping.Regina
The only place different social types can genuinely get along with each other is in heaven.J.D.
Who wants cream? Nobody? Okay, no cream.Farva
Pageant Assistant: Are you authorized to be backstage?
Dwayne: [without stopping] No.
Y'know, they're hookers. So it's fine.Ted
Badger: In summation, I think you just got to not do it, man. That's all.
Mr. Fox: I understand what you're saying, and your comments are valuable, but I'm gonna ignore your advice.
Badger: The cuss you are.
Mr. Fox: The cuss am I? Are you cussing with me?
Badger: No, you cussing with me?
Mr. Fox: Don't cussing point at me!
Badger: If you're gonna cuss, you're not gonna cuss with me, you little cuss!
Badger: You're not gonna cuss with me!
[Both start snarling at each other, and then settle down]
Mr. Fox: Just buy the tree.
Never take it seriously, you never get hurt. Never get hurt, you can always have fun. And if you ever get lonely, you just go to the record store and visit all your friends.Penny Lane
Olive: Why were you unhappy?
Frank: I fell in love with someone...
Grandpa [blows nose loudly]
Frank: ... who didn't love me back.
Frank: One of my grad students. I was very much in love with him.
Olive: Him? You fell in love with a boy?
Frank: Very much so.
Olive: That's silly.
Grandpa: There's another word for it...
Claire: This is nice. Just two friends having dinner... no pressure.
Alvin: [the lights turn down, the stereo turns on; "Let's Get It On" begins to play] Boom chicka wow-wow, chicka wow-wow!
[whispering to Dave]
Alvin: Tell her she completes you!
Lt. Frank Drebin: You know, sometimes I envy you and Edna. You have the same person every day for over 30 years. You wake up, eat with her, sleep with her. Make love to the same woman.
[Ed looks increasingly disgusted as Frank goes on]
Lt. Frank Drebin: You spend every possible waking moment together, while I'm out running around with a bunch of 20-year-olds who only want a good time and cheap sex sex sex. Girls who can't say no. Girls who can't get enough. "More, more, more. It's your turn now to wear the handcuffs...â€
[Ed starts foaming at the mouth... literally]
Lt. Frank Drebin: I just want love, Ed.
Ed Hocken: I'm sure you'll... find love, Frank.
Pissed Off Fat Guy: You know? Somebody should sue you!
Hancock: You know what? You should sue McDonalds, cuz they fucked you up!
Go and hide out somewhere. San Diego, Tahiti, Utah. No! Not Utah. Utah sucks.Matt Saunders