Favorite Comedy Quotes
But this is going to be the best movie ever! It's a foreign film from Canada.Stan
That's a lovely fur you're wearing. Perhaps I could find you some slippers made from the skins of innocent and defenseless baby seals!Ace
Buddy: The best way to spread Christmas Cheer, is singing loud for all to hear.
Jovie: Thanks, but I don't sing.
Buddy: Oh, well, it's just like talking, except longer and louder, and you move your voice up and down.
Jovie: I *can* sing, I just choose *not* to sing. Especially in front of other people.
Buddy: If you can sing alone, you sing in front of other people. There's no difference.
Jovie: Actually, there's a BIG difference.
Buddy: No there's not.
Bruce: Who are you?
God: I'm the one. The Divine Being. Alpha and Omega.
Bruce: Oh, I see where this is going...
God: Bruce... I'm God.
Bruce: Bingo! Yahtzee! Is that your final answer? Our survey says... God! Bing bing bing bing bing! Well God, nice job on the Grand Canyon, and good luck with the Apocalypse. Oh, and by the way: you *SUCK*!
Well, Joel, you've done a lot of solid work here, but it's just not Ivy League, now is it?Rutherford
Randal Graves: That look was so gay, I thought Sam was gonna tell the little Hobbits to go for a walk so he could saunter over to Frodo and suck his fucking cock. Now that would have been an Academy Award-worthy ending.
Hobbit Lover: Hey, faggot! They're not gay. They're hobbits.
Jack: Speak for yourself. I get chicks lookin' at me all the time. All ages. Dudes too.
Miles Raymond: Well, it's not worth it. You pay too big a price. It's never free.
Jack: You need to get laid, Miles. You know what? That's going to be my best man gift to you this week. I'm gonna get you laid.
Miles Raymond: Wonderful.
Jack: I'm not gonna get you a gift certificate or a pen knife or any of that other horse shit.
Miles Raymond: I'd rather have a knife.
Peter's another name for weaner.Steve Barker
Was it morally wrong to exploit our knowledge of the future for personal financial gain? That hot tub time machine turned us into kings!Lou
Joel Goodson: Don't steal anything. If I come back here and anything's missing, I'm going straight to the police. I mean it.
Lana: Go to school, Joel. Learn something.
Jessica (in Clive's body): [disguised as Taquito; as Carol tries to kiss him] Carol, please! This would be wrong for me in at least five different ways!
Carol Spencer: [pulling away] You mean... you like men?
Jessica (in Clive's body): Of course! What did you think?
Bill Ubell: No, Captain! That's Cedric. He's a friend.
Steve Zissou: Merci, Cedric. Remind me, we'll send him a red cap and a Speedo.