Favorite Comedy Quotes
John Clasky: Just do it or I'll light my hair on fire and start punching myself in the face!
[Walks away, reconsiders]
John Clasky: That probably wasn't the best way to get make myself clear, was it?
We have a new record. Cue the cheesy inspirational music.Bruce
T.S. Quint: Jesus, how much did you smoke?
Jay: All it took was a phat, chronic blunt. These guys were lightweights.
T.S. Quint: How much do I owe you?
Jay: My treat. As long as you promise that the next time you pop your old lady, you make her call you "Jay." Snootchie Bootchies.
T.S. Quint: Let's hope there is a next time.
Julien: [King Julian has popped out from a cake] Hey, surprise, freaks! I am coming with you!
Alex: Oh ho ho, no, thank you.
Julien: Oh, *yes*, thank you. It is *my* plane!
The kingdom of FAR FAR Away, Donkey? That's where we're going! FAR! FAR!... away.Shrek
[after teaching Jack how to evaluating a glass of wine prior to tasting] ... Are you chewing gum?Miles Raymond
Harry: [after running into his ex-wife] She looked weird, didn't she? She looked really weird.
Sally: I don't know, I've never seen her before.
Harry: Trust me, she looked weird. Her legs looked heavy. Really, she must retaining water.
Harry: Believe me, the woman saved everything.
Regina said she'll talk to Aaron. And now she is. How can Janis hate her? She's such a good... SLUT!Cady
Stacy Hamilton: I want a relationship. I want romance.
Linda Barrett: In Ridgemont? We can't even get cable TV here, Stacy, and you want romance.
Sue: I've always had a thing for Santa Claus. In case you didn't notice. It's like some deep-seeded childhood thing.
Willie: So is my thing for tits.
[lining up outside The Roxbury]
Doug Butabi: So... you want to dance?
Girl: We're not in the club yet.
Doug Butabi: Right.
[Comes in to the party with the bruise on his face]
Beth: What happened to your face.
Ronny: Oh I just had this bar fight.
Nick: Bar Fight
Ronny: I got this place called Zips, Zips bar and grill.
Ronny: It is a place where liers and scumbags and all kind of weird stuff like a blow up of marriage hang out.