Favorite Comedy Quotes
Okay, you're helping. We'll use your pictures. Ah! These *are* gonna be - you know, I'm sorry, these are going to be a help. I should have looked at these pictures before. I like this, uh, this is our first hotel room, right? That'll intimidate Trotter. Here's one of me from behind. And I didn't think I could feel worse than I did a couple of seconds ago. Thank you. Ah, here's a good one of the tire marks. Could we get any farther away? Where'd you shoot this, from up in a tree? What's this over here? It's dog shit. Dog shit! That's great! Dog shit, what a clue! Why didn't I think of that? Here's one of me reading. Terrific. I should've asked you along time ago for these pictures. Holy shit, you got it, honey! You did it! The case cracker, me in the shower! Ha ha! I love this! That's it!Vincent Gambini
Drake: I'm not far from dragging you out of the car and beating you to dust.
Steve: You should work up to that, kinda leaves you nowhere to go.
Mulligan: All right, Charlie; that the joint?
Toothpick Charlie: Yes, sir.
Mulligan: Who runs it?
Toothpick Charlie: I already told you.
Mulligan: Refresh my memory.
Toothpick Charlie: Spats Columbo.
Mulligan: That's very refreshing; what's the password?
Toothpick Charlie: "I've come to Grandma's funeral." Here's your admission card.
[he gives Mulligan a mourning armband]
Mulligan: Thanks, Charlie.
Toothpick Charlie: Now if you want a ringside table, just tell 'em that you're one of the pallbearers.
Mulligan: OK, Charlie.
William Shakespeare: His name is Mercutio.
Ned Alleyn: What's the name of the play?
William Shakespeare: Mercutio.
Philip Henslowe: It is?
William Shakespeare: Shh!
Yo, that shit must be good, B. My boy hasn't coughed like that since back in the day yo!Scarface
So this is a rectory. That sounds like a dirty word. Rectory!Anna Riley
Once there was a magical elf who lived in a rainbow tree / He lived downstairs from a flatulent dwarf who constantly had to pee.Elliot
Amelia Earhart: I just feel as if I've been asleep for along time and now suddenly I'm awake.
Larry Daley: I can explain that.
Venetia: Oh no, she didn't?
Sissy: Oh yes she did!
Venetia: [commenting on Ling-Ling's hot outfit] Girlfriend's booty be all wrapped up in licious!
Sissy: All wrapped up.
Ling Ling: You're pretty dope and phat yourselves
I'm Irish! This is milk to me baby! Milk!Father Brian Finn
Ian Faith: They're not gonna release the album... because they have decided that the cover is sexist.
Nigel Tufnel: Well, so what? What's wrong with bein' sexy? I mean there's no...
Ian Faith: Sex-IST!
David St. Hubbins: IST!
You see - comedy. Love, and a bit with a dog. That's what they want.Philip Henslowe