Favorite Comedy Quotes
Harry, your heart attack could be the best thing that's ever happened to me!Erica Barry
Mmm, I'm a little bit lonely these days.Herman Blume
Cher: Ms. Stoger. That machine is just a lawsuit waiting to happen.
Miss Stoger: Thanks for the legal advice.
You know, Mrs. Buckman, you need a license to buy a dog, to drive a car - hell, you even need a license to catch a fish. But they'll let any butt-reaming asshole be a father.Tod
Bob Rogers, Jr.: You know, if I wasn't with someone, I might just pick your ass up and carry you out of here.
Jack Ryan: You might have to if Walter here keeps buying me beer. He's getting me all liquored up, I'm just trying to keep my wits about me.
Oh! That's gonna leave a mark.Barf
Etheline Tenenbaum: Chas? What's going on?
Chas: We got locked out of our apartment.
Etheline Tenenbaum: Well, did you call a locksmith?
Chas: Uh huh.
Etheline Tenenbaum: Well, I don't understand. Did you pack your bags BEFORE you got locked out?
Capt. Dickson: I got a big ass raise to babysit you two again.
Jenko: We're going back to high school?
Capt. Dickson: No, you look like you about 50. You going to MC State. You two sons of bitches are going to college!
Is that one of mine? I think one of my research turtles survived.Alistair Hennessey
I've been frozen for 30 years. I've got to see if my bits and pieces are still working.Austin Powers
Well, as soon as we get ourselves cleaned up and we get a little smellum in our hair, why, we're gonna feel 100% better about ourselves and about life in general.Ulysses Everett McGill
All I do is stare at their mouths and wrinkle my nose, and I turn out to be a sweetheart.Trent