Favorite Comedy Quotes
[at a KKK rally] Brothers! Oh, brothers! We have all gathered here, to preserve our hallowed culture and heritage! We aim to pull evil up by the root, before it chokes out the flower of our culture and heritage! And our women, let's not forget those ladies, y'all. Looking to us for protection! From darkies, from Jews, from papists, and from all those smart-ass folks say we come descended from monkeys!Homer Stokes
Pete: You ruined my life!
[while being choked]
Ulysses Everett McGill: I do apologize about that Pete.
I'm gonna propose you a proposition!Big Dan Teague
Now raise your goblet of rock. It's a toast to those who rock!Dewey Finn
Dewey Finn: You, Freddy, what do you like to do?
Freddy: I dunno.
Freddy: Burn stuff?
Theo: You're out. This is Spider; he's replacing you.
Spider: What's up, dog.
Dewey Finn: Now, what makes you mad more than anything in the world?
[sees Billy who has his hand raised]
Dewey Finn: Billy?
Dewey Finn: Billy, we've already told me off. Let's move on.
Billy: You're tacky and I hate you!
Dewey Finn: Okay, you see me after class
Dewey Finn: [on sticking it to "The Man"] Yes! But, you can't just say it, man. You've gotta feel it in you're blood and guts! If you wanna rock, you gotta break the rules. You gotta get mad at the man! And right now, I'm the man. That's right, I'm the man, and who's got the guts to tell me off? Huh? Who's gonna tell me off?
Freddy: Shut the hell up, Schneebly!
Dewey Finn: That's it Freddy, that's it! Who can top him?
Alicia: Get outta here, stupidass.
Dewey Finn: Yes, Alicia!
Summer Hathaway: You're a joke, you're the worst teacher I've ever had!
Dewey Finn: Summer, that is great! I like the delivery because I felt your anger!
Summer Hathaway: Thank you.
Lawrence: You're a fat loser and you have body odor.
Dewey Finn: ...All right, all right! Now, is everybody nice and pissed off?
Dewey Finn: Ok, here's the deal. I have a hangover. Who knows what that means?
Frankie: Doesn't that mean you're drunk?
Dewey Finn: No. It means I was drunk yesterday.
Freddy: It means you're an alcoholic.
Dewey Finn: Wrong.
Freddy: You wouldn't come to work with a hangover unless you were an alcoholic. Dude, you got a disease!
Dewey Finn: Hmmm... hmmm... What's your name?
Freddy: Freddy Jones.
Dewey Finn: Ok, Freddy Jones, shut up!
OK, Ms DumBum ain't your teacher today, I am, and I have a headache and the runs. So I say, time for recess!Dewey Finn
Miss Mullins: Sorry to interrupt, Mrs. Lemmons said that she heard music coming from the classroom.
Dewey Finn: Uh oh, it looks like Mrs. Lemmons is on crack, right kids?
Freddy: Are we going to be goofing off like this everyday?
Dewey Finn: We're not goofing off. We're creating musical fusion.
Freddy: Ok, so are we going to be creating musical fusion everyday?
Dewey Finn: Yes.