[after he faked a terminal illness, took residence in the house under false pretenses, tried to instigate a fight with his estranged wife's fiancé, lied to his family and was found out] I know I'm going to be the bad guy here...


Steve Zissou: We'll split into two groups. I'll take Ned, Ogata, and Wolodarsky.
Klaus Daimler: Thanks. Thanks a lot for not picking me.

Festival Director: [translating] That's an endangered species at most. What would be the scientific purpose of killing it?
Steve Zissou: Revenge.

I'm going to find it and I'm going to destroy it. I don't know how yet. Possibly with dynamite.

Steve Zissou

Who the shit is Kingsley Zissou?

Klaus Daimler

Don't point that gun at him, he's an unpaid intern.

Steve Zissou

Steve Zissou: Anne-Marie, do all the interns get Glocks?
Anne-Marie Sakowitz: No, they all share one.

Jane Winslett-Richardson: I need to find a baby for this father.
Steve Zissou: Yeah, I think I know what you mean.

Steve Zissou: Esteban was eaten!
Klaus Daimler: Is he dead?
Steve Zissou: Esteban was eaten! Check the scanning monitor before it dives too deep!
Klaus Daimler: He was bitten?
Steve Zissou: Eaten!
Klaus Daimler: [shocked] He was swallowed whole?
Steve Zissou: No! Chewed!

Oseary Drakoulias: You must swear, legally swear that you will not kill that shark, or whatever it is, if it actually exists.
Steve Zissou: I'm going to fight it, but I'll let it live. What about my dynamite?
Oseary Drakoulias: [to assistant] Phillip, dynamite.

Steve Zissou: Where'd you come from? You look pregnant.
Jane Winslett-Richardson: I am pregnant. I'm not even going to ask what you men are doing out here in your matching pajamas, by the way.

Bill Ubell: No, Captain! That's Cedric. He's a friend.
Steve Zissou: Merci, Cedric. Remind me, we'll send him a red cap and a Speedo.

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