Favorite Comedy Quotes
Nurse, as I love you and you love me, you will bind my breast and buy me a boy's wig.Viola de Lesseps
Viola De Lesseps: I have never undressed a man before.
William Shakespeare: It is strange to me, too.
Viola De Lesseps: You have never spoken so well of him before
William Shakespeare: He was not dead before.
Katy: Boon, I think I'm in love with a retard.
Boon: Is he bigger than me?
Otter: He can't do that do that to our pledges.
Boon: Only we can do that to our pledges.
Otter: Flounder, I am appointing you pledge representative to the social committee.
Flounder: Gee Otter, thanks. What do I have to do?
Otter: It means you have to drive us to the Food King.
Grab a brew. Don't cost nothin'.Bluto
Dean Vernon Wormer: Greg, what is the worst fraternity on this campus?
Greg Marmalard: Well that would be hard to say, sir. They're each outstanding in their own way.
Dean Vernon Wormer: Cut the horseshit, son. I've got their disciplinary files right here. Who dropped a whole truckload of fizzies into the swim meet? Who delivered the medical school cadavers to the alumni dinner? Every Halloween, the trees are filled with underwear. Every spring, the toilets explode.
Greg Marmalard: You're talking about Delta, sir.
Dean Vernon Wormer: Of course I'm talking about Delta, you TWERP!
See if you can guess what I am now.... I'm a zit. Get it!?Bluto
Now, she should be good-looking, but we're willing to trade looks for a certain... morally casual attitude.Boon
Hoover: We're in trouble. I just checked with the guys at the Jewish house and they said that every one of our answers on the Psych test was wrong.
Boon: Every one? Those assholes must have stolen the wrong fucking exam!
Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.Dean Vernon Wormer