Favorite Comedy Quotes
I'd like you to close your eyes now, and I'd like you to try something, all right? Now what are you thinkin', what are you feeling right now, with your eyes closed?Corky St. Clair
[pushing elevator buttons] It looks like a Christmas tree!Buddy
Tom: We both know I deserve to get super laid for this.
Violet: Do you want me to wear a cape or something?
Tom: I want the show.
Violet: You get the Cirque du Soleil of shows...
Carter: How would we even recognize Juntao, none of us never saw him.
Lee: I have, he killed my partner.
These guns are really weird.Roy O'Bannon
Gone! Gone! We've got to find him, you understand? We've got to find him before he kills someone! What have I done? Oh God in Heaven! What have I done?Dr. Frederick Frankenstein
Charlotte A. Cavatica: Goodbye... my sweet, sweet Wilbur.
Wilbur: Goodbye, Charlotte. I love you.
Dr. Buddy Rydell: She said she was going out with a friend named Andrea.
Dave Buznik: She doesn't have a friend named Andrea. Did she say Andrew?
Dr. Buddy Rydell: Oh, ah, yes Andrew... the testicle with legs.
Marcus, I just have one question for ya bro. How the hell you gonna leave my ass at a gun fight to go get the car!Mike Lowrey
Karl Benson: Hey man, I thought you killed yourself.
Andrew Largeman: What?
Karl Benson: I thought you killed yourself. That wasn't you?
Andrew Largeman: No, no, tha-that wasn't me.
Max Fischer: So you were in Vietnam?
Herman Blume: Yeah.
Max Fischer: Were you in the shit?
Herman Blume: Yeah, I was in the shit.
You risked the lives of some damn fine pilots... and that's my job!Admiral Benson